Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
Lt r ; -r- j
iV ' WTTlfcb I GET rWY '
I B7 L CUOTHES 1 VIH- y ,
HI?-- XXTHtooiH I
T In a certain school a teacher was
'giving his class reading. It came to
a part about a woman drowning her-
Lself. The teacher asked a boy to read
again. He began:
"She threw herself into the river.
Her husband, horror-stricken, rushed
to the bank "
The teacher said: "Now, telT-me
why the husband rushed to" the
Quick and sharp came his answer:
""Please, sir, to get the Insurance
"So yott don't call on Miss Biite
any more. Quarreled,?" .
"Well, J told her I preferred to have
,her kiss meAefore and not after she
kissed her pet dog."
pVAnd what did she say?"
"She said I evidently foreot that
the dog might have his preferences,
4 busy minister wished to prepare
his Sunday sermon in peace, and in
structed his Irish servant not to ad
mit any one to his, study until he was
"Don't tell an actual untruth and
say that I am not at home," admon
ished the good man, "but if any one
hcalls, just give him an equivocal an-
He wrote a good sermon, and
emerged in a couple of hours.
"Well, Bridget," he queried, -"did
any one come?"
"Wan man, yer honor,'' replied
Bridget,- "But I didNas ye tould me
and give him a ekivikle answer. 'Is'
the minister at home?' sez he, and
sez I, 'Was yer grandmother a mon
key?' "The Delineator,
"Yes' said the meek-looking
man, ''I've no doubt you've had some
great hunting experience in your
"I have indeed."
"And bear-hunting "
"Well, you just come round and let
my wife take you house-hunting and
bargain-hunting with her. Then
you'll begin to know what real ex
"What are you thinking r of, Bea
trice?" inquired Mr. Hainer of his
wife at breakfast.
"I am dreaming of my youth," re
plied the woman. '
,(Weh" replied the brute, "I
thought you had a far-away look in
your eyes.- Lippmcott's.
- CAUSE AND EFFECT
Now Harry," asked the Sunday
pschool teacher, "what must we do ber
fore our sins can be forgiven?"
t "That's easy," replied Harry. "We -
must sin." Ex.
fiMriVt yV-- -