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Newspaper Page Text
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"Dnp.tnr I'm fp.ftHner awfiil. T can't
h eat. I can't sleen. I can't "
L "I-can cure you," said tlie doctor,
'if you'll take my advice. Go and
if ask hereto marry you." Cleveland
She And 111 have a little from
age benedict with cordial modoc
HI" He Who told you I was a milllon
I !aire? Cornell Widow.
:2 o o
St criMtTTUlMr; miDADi c
: JLlVIaJor SchnappB I want a rug for
the bar of the golf club.
Assistant Yes, sir: you want
-something for- hard wear.
"T nnHno tViot vnntltr ttmlfA fnllari
rWhat wa& the trouble?"
"'Oh, I guess people didn't take
COULDNT BE DONE
A New Yorker tells of his sojourn
at a certain hotel in the Carolina
mountains, says Llppincott's Maga
zine. At about 8 in the morning he
was aroused from a sound slumber
by a knocking on his door.
"What is it?" he shouted.
"Telegram fo you, boss," replied
the darkey on the other side of the
door. "Will you open the door?"
The New Yorker was angered by
this. "I will not!" he yelled back.
"Can't you slip it under the door?"
"No, boss," was the response, "it's
on a tray."
BEWARE OF HIM
Crawford The man who can look
happy when he isn't makes a good
Crabshaw But you'd better not
sit m a poker game with him. New
o o tf
Mr. Wyde Hi! waiter, there's a
chicken in this egg.
Mr. Narrow 'Sh! don't tell him.
He charged me a dollar for one yes
terday, an' it wasn't much bigger
than that 'un. Magazine of Fun.
Subscriber Why do all comio
papers print a lot of other comio
papers', jokes is it professional eti
quette? Editor No professional jealousy.
Each wants to show the other up.
Suspicious CttBtomer-t-What sonp
Waiter It's bean soup, sir.
Suspicious Customer 4 know It
has been soup, but what is it now?
ALAS, TOO TRUE
"There are more important things
in life than money."
"Yes; but you haven't the leisure .
to notice them, if you haven't got
1 much stock In him,"
J. the coin." -Juxjggi