Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
t Tr-' .
' SPEAKING LITERALLY
A famoussculptor was seated at a
dinner next to a fair "but frivolous
young lady, and it was soon evident
that he was not very favorably im
pressed" by her idle chatter.
"What kind of a figure do you
most admire in a woman?" she in
quired, with the air of one angling
for a compliment.
"Almost any kind, as long as she
is not a figure of speech," he replied
NOT LEGAL TENDER
"How much are these apartments
a month?" aswed the caller.
"Fifty dollars," replied the agent
"And do you' take children?"
"In payment? Certainly not"
PLAYING FOR SAFETY
"Your Scotch friend asked vou to
have a cigar, but I notice he didn't
offer me one."
"Ah, you see, he knows I don't
"SOU WUST BE AWFUL St-OuT)
'JXJOQX YOU A UOH& 's"
' TIME To Discover j f x
v JlVER ANSWER. jS ' "& Ui-.
$- " ( I THOUGHT OF I
, 1 VyAY T '
new york. sum ladys that belongs
to a sewing cirkel in brooklin wanted
to raise a little money for a poor
they desided that each one was to
earn a doller by workin for it in some
way, and bring it to the next meetin
so when they had the next meetin,
each one of the ladys got up and
handed her doller to the chareman,
and told how she got it
one of them said that she made a
cake and sold it and anuther took or
ders for sope, and anuther teached a
guy to hesitate, and etc.
the last one was a little kind of a
tired-looking dame, and when she
passed up her doller, the chareman
said, and how did you earn your
money, mrs. peters
i got it from my husbend, says mrs.
o, says the chareman, that won't
do, this money was to be gotten by
hard work, and ther ain't no hard
work about that
all i got to say is, ansers mrs.
peters, you don't know my husbend,
or you'd put that doller right on top
of the pile.
ENDING THE TALE
Barber (beginning the hair cut)
Have you heard the story about the
guy that (resuming business)
want it short, sir?
Customer (a tired editor) Yes; a
mere synopsis will do!
"Get up, get up! There's a bur
glar in the house," whispered tho
penniless poet's wife. "What of it?
Let him find out his mistake for himself."