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Newspaper Page Text
. JORSe DAM Ocitf H:DES JOTEVEN VJ
tjfr !tf 3ER. AIR, AtOWH r&T-
During a concert tour of the late
Theodore Thomas and his orchestra
one of the musicians died, and the
.following telegram was immediately
dispatched to the parents of the de
ceased. "John Black died suddenly todav.
Advise by wire as to disposition."
In a few hours the answer was re-
H fceived, reading as follows:
I we are uruiteu-uearieu; ms cus
0 position was a roving one."
Mrs. Whittler What delightful
manners your daughter has.
Mrs. Bilter (proudly) Yes; you
see, she has been away from home so
much, Smart Set.
He If I call pa "pop," why can't
I call ma "mop?"
She If you do, she'll wipe the floor
with you. Magazine of Fun.
The lady who had charge of a cer
tain village postoffice was strongly
suspected of tampering with parcels
entrusted to her care. One day a
rosy-cheeked youngster, dressed in
his best clothes, entered the office and
carefully laid -a huge slice of iced
cake on the counter.
"With my sister the bride's cora-
kpliments, and will you please eat aa
much as you can? he said.
The postmistress smiled delight
fully. "How very kisd of the bride to re
member me," she cried. "Did she
know of my weakness for wedding
"She did, answered the youngster
coldly, "and she thought she'd send
you a bit of it this afternoon, just to
take the edge off your appetite before
she posted any boxes to her friends."
For a solid hour the captain had
been lecturing on "The Duties of a
Soldier," and he thought that now
the time had come for him to test the
results of his discourse.
Casting his eye around the room
he fixed on Private Murphy as, his
"Private Murphy," he asked, "why
should a soldier be ready to die for
The Irishman scratched his head
for a while; then $n ingratiating and
enlightening smile flitted across his
"Sure, captain," he said, pleasant
ly, "you're quite right, Why should
A GOOD CROWD
"My fther is dead," said a leading
man in a heart-broken voice. "We
buried him today."
"Was there a large attendance?
asked a friend. Then a smile of de
light flashed into the bereaved lead
ing man's face.
"Large attendance!" he cried. "My
boy, we simply turned 'em awayi"
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