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The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, May 06, 1914, NOON EDITION, Image 18

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1914-05-06/ed-1/seq-18/

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A COAXER FOR BABY
When the doctor called to see the
haby its mother informed him that
the medicine left for the infant the
day before was all gone.
"Impossible," declared the surpris
ed physician. "I told you to give him
a teaspoonful once an hour."
"Yes, but John and mother and I
and the nurse have each had to take
a teaspoonful, too, in order to get
baby to take it." Youth's Com
panion. o o
NEVER!
Pigg They say that marriage is a
failure. Do you beheve it?
Fogg Shouldn't wonder. The
bride never gets the best man. Bos
ton Transcript.
o o
BORROWED BABIES '
"I see society people at Newport
had a baby show."
"Where did they get the'babies?",
"It was a loan exhibition, I believe."
Magazine of Fun.
TOTAL ERROR
Mr. "Joe" Coyne tells a story about
a seedy-looking individual who got
into conversation in a railway car
riage. "Ah, sir," he said sadly, 'Tve seen
changes. I was once a doctor with
a large practice, but owing to one lit
tle slip my patients began to leave
me, and now I'm just living from
hand to mouth."
"What was the slip?" I asked.
"Well, sir," he replied, "in filling
in a death certificate for a patient
who had died, I absent-mindedly
signed my name in the space headed
'Cause of death.' "
THE ARTLESS QUESTION
Phoebe was bored. In all the six
long years of her life she had never
spent such a miserable day. In short,
Phoebe nearly lifted the nursery ceil
ing off.
Upstairs came Phoebe's mother.
Lifting the unhappy child in- her
arms, and cuddling the tear-stained
little face against her own, the moth
er walked over to the looking-glass.
"Just look, Phoebe, at the ugly lit
tle face in the looking-glass!"
Phoebe immediately became inter
ested, and stopped crying.
"Which one, mother?" she said.
o o
A CRAFTY APPROACH
"That man must be an insidious
lobbyist," declared Congressman
Grump.
"What has he done?"
Congressman Wayback.
"He invited me to share
of grape juice with him.
burgh Post.
o o
HIS VERSION
Small Tommy, out for a walk
after a shower of rainr came across a
puddle in which some oil had been
spilt, making a brilliant iride'scent ef
fect. "Oh, look," cried the little fellow,
"a rainbow has burst in the roadi"
inquired
a bottle
" Pitts-
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