OCR Interpretation


The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, May 18, 1914, NOON EDITION, Image 17

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1914-05-18/ed-1/seq-17/

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ON HIS DIGNITY
I As one of the great South African
ners cwas steaming into Southamp
ton harbor a grimy coal-lighter float
ed immediately in front of it. An om
cer on board the vessel, observing
hthis, shouted:
'" "Ploof rnf rF Yie ttrnn Trfli 4-Vtn
fr wo.1 uut ua mo nraj niiu mat
barge!" '
The lighterman, a native of the
erald Isle, shouted in Teply:
'Are ye the captain of that ves-
el?''
"No," answered the officer.
Then spake to yer aiquals. said
t; "I'm the captain of this."
DILLSIN A PICKLE
Mr. and Mrs. C. L. Dill are still here
the home of Squire Milton. It
ms that they checked theirtrunks.
nd. their tickets, which were around
Hot Springs, were in the trunks'.
;hey don't know what to do now ex
cept to have Hot Springs open their
""trunks and send them their tickets.
WHY MEMOIRS ARE TAME
A great man once said to a friend:
. "I think I'll write my recollec
tions." "Very good," said the friend; "but
let, me caution you not to recollect
anything ,about celebrities that are
living."
"Oh," said the great man, "living
celebrities are just the ones I want
to write about. They're the ones that
will make my book sell."
"Very well," said the other; "but
remember my warning."
"Why, what's the danger, any
way?" "The danger," replied the other, "is
that as soon as you. begin to recol- V
lect things about living celebrities
they will begin to recollect things
about you."
o o
ONE ON THE VOICE
Lecturer Ladies and gentlemen,
we shall consider 'this evening the
fundamental principles of architec
ture. The Etruscans
A Wandering Voice How d'ye .
build a dog house?
Lecturer (solicitously) Are you
going to moyg? Judge.
j o o
AN EXPERT
"What experience have you had
operating a typewriter?" asked the
prospective employer.
"I," replied the applicant, running
skilled fingers lovingly over the key
board, "was a pugilist for 10 years."
Magazine of Fun.
o o -
PROOF ENOUGH
"What made you think Mr. Love
twet had been drinking?"
"Why, when the charlotte russe
was set before him he tried tor blow
off the foam." Boston Transcript.
o o
AS USUAL
Bill How did her singing strike
you?
THII Oh, as usual. I was the inno
cent bystander. Yonkers Statesman.
1 Mercyville (Pa.) Banner. ,
L4afe
1

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