Employer Good morning, Robert.
rj I hope all your family are well this
Office Boy (unsuspectingly) Yes,
sir, thank you.
Employer I'm glad to hear it,
Robert. There is to be a baseball
game this afternoon and I was afraid
it might have a fatal effect on some
"What kind of a clock is that, Jaw
kins? It doesn't seem to be right."
"Sh-sh! It's called the married
clubman's friend, my boy. The hands
siop at 10 o'clock every evening, but
the ticking goes on as loud as ever.
See?" N. Y. World.
"Which would you advise me to
plant here turnip seed or water
"Candor compels me to tell you
that my chickens prefer turnip seed,
V, HA, XXSPS R16HT BOVS, KEEP Om I
UWH&VFRtTZiE VIU. PERFORM. WHOE j '
A father andmother stood gazing
with reproachful eyes at their daugh
ter, while she was trembling and
weeping. Their frowns deepened as
the mother wiped her glasses prep
aratory to reading a letter found in
the girl's pocket It began: "Angel
of my existence "
"What!" cried the old man. "You
don't mean to saV it begins like that!
Such inane drivel! Oh, that a child
of mine should correspond with
But proceed, my dear."
" 'Existance' spelled with an 'a,
too," added the mother.
- "Why, the, idiot can't spell!" said
the old man.'
" 'It is impossible for me to de
scribe the joy with which your pres
ence has filled me.' "
"Then why does he attempt it, the
chump? But don't let me interrupt
you. Go on go on!"
" 'How I hate the obstinate old
party who will not consent to our
"Meaning me! Calls me a 'party!
Oh, let me get at him!"
"But, Theodore, my dear," inter
rupted the old ladyV "I see now that
there is a "
"Yes, yes one moment! I was
about to observe that the hand that
penned such words would not stop at
"Theodore, I didn't see this over
leaf." "Eh? Let me see. Hum! 'Yours
with all the love of my heart, Theo
dore. May 10, 1875 Why, bless me,
it's one of my letters!"
"Yes, papa," explained the olive
branch, "I found it yesterday 01II7
you wouldn't let me speak." Top
Notch. t t
o 0 1 1
NOT A RESIDENT
"Shay, m'friend, I have been argu
ing on a question which we want you
to d'cide for us. Is that planet up
there the sun or the moon?"
"M'friend, I can't shay. I'm 4
stranger in town."
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