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Newspaper Page Text
J'UWM'WUJIWIWfWPWpi.PIPWIPJIIJJl" 1 hji
HA-HA-HA I M(T ADOLPK N
wjnci t. etiQvui cu. iwu
CAUSE OF DEATH
"You say your automobile did not
touch tins man, and yet he was dead
when you picked him up?" shouted
the prosecuting attorney.
"That's my claim," coolly retorted
the prisoner. "My machine did not
"And you saw this man start to
cross the street?"
"Did you blow your horn? "
"What sort of a horn is it?"
"One of those newfangled clatter
boxes that create a sound that is a
cross between a shriek and a dying
"That explains it. You simply
scared the man to death."
HE HAS IT
' Teacher Tommie, use the word
"eureka" in a sentence.
Tommie When pa comes home,
ma says: "Eureka, the alehouse."
"" PUNCTUAL JAMES "
An old Englishman, James Scott by
name, traveled about on business un
til he was nearly 80 years of age. He
became celebrated for his punctuality
and methodical habits. Upon one oc
casion a gentleman stopped at an inn
much frequented by Mr. Scott, and
saw a fine fowl cooking.
"That is very good," said the hun
gry guest. "You may serve that for
"You cannot have that, sir," re
plied the landlord. "That is being
cooked for Mr. Scott, the traveler."
"I know Mr. Scott very well," said
the gentleman. "Is he stopping
"Oh, no, sir," answered the land
lord. "But six months ago he order
ed a fowl to be ready for him at pre
cisely 2 o'clock today and we are ex
pecting him every minute."
TIT FOR TAT
A Scotchman complained that he
had got a ringing in his heaa.
"Do you ken the reason o' that?"
asked his friend.
"I'll tell ye it's empty."
"And hae ye never a ringing in
your head?" asked the other.
"And ye ken the reason? Because
FOOD FOR REFLECTION
"I think I like you better than any
of the other fellows that come to see
"I'm pleased to hear it, Robby.
Why do you like me the best?"
"Because, sis always lets me stay
around and hear what you say."
ITS BEST QUALITY
One thing about an automatic
piano, is, it doesn't have to be coaxed
And a better thing about it is, it
can be stopped any time without hav
ing its feelings hurt Puck,