Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
w m mmkmminfm
lift l-i.Aia I Un- ....
t-nn"n. nil MJOL(Jt-t
OOfJC, I 8HO0C-T EU. -OADS
k OP PBKI7.P1S'
CAUSE OF DEATH
"You say your automobile did not
touch tills man, and yet he was dead
when you picked him up?" shouted
the prosecuting attorney.
"That's my claim," coolly retorted
the prisoner. "My machine did not
"And you saw this man start to
cross the street?"
v "Did you blow your horn?" t
"What sort of a horn "is it?" .,
"One of those newfangled clatter
boxes that create a sound tnat is a
cross between a shriek and a dying
"That explains it You simply
scared the man to death."
HE HAS IT
Teacher Tommie, use the word
"eureka" in a sentence.
Tommie When pa comes' home,
ma fays: "Eureka, the alehouse."
PUNCTUAL JAMES r
An old EnghshmanJames Scott by
name, traveled about on business un
til he was nearly 80 years of age. He
became- celebrated for his punctuality
and methodical habits. Upon one oc-
casion a gentleman stopped at an inn
much frequented by Mr. Scott, and
saw a fine fowl cooking.
"That is very good," said the hun
gry guest. "You may serve that for
"You cannot have that, sir," re
plied the landlord. "That is being
cooked for Mr. Scott, the traveler."
"I know Mr. Scott very well," said
the gentleman. "Is he stopping
"Oh, no, sir," answered the land
lord. "But six months ago he order
ed a fowl to be ready for him at pre
cisely 2 o'clock today and we are ex
pecting him every minute."
TIT FOR TAT
A Scotchman complained that he
had got a ringing in his head.
"Do you ken the reason o' that?"
asked his friend.
"I'll teU ye it's empty."
"And hae ye never a ringing in
your head?" asked the other.
"And ye ken the reason? Because
FOOD FOR REFLECTION
"I think I like you better than any
of the other fellows that come to see
"I'm pleased to hear it, Robby.
Why do you like me the best?"
"Because, sis always lets me stay
around and hear what you say."
o o .
ITS BEST QUALITY '
One thing about an automatic
piano, is, it doesn't have to be coaxed
And a better thing about it is, It
can be stopped any time without hav
ing its feelings hurt Puck.
hiWwiiiii-i--:tlrTrriltTiii6tilii nnti!ittirHfii' '-&......-.J.Aa.it&n.A.- ..,.