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Newspaper Page Text
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"How's times?" .asked the tourist.
"Pretty tolerable, stranger," re
sponded the old fellow, who was sit
ting idly on the stump of a tree. "I
had a pile of brush to burn, and the
lightning set fire to it and saved me
the trouble of burning it."
"That was good."
"I had some trees to cut down, but
the cyclone leveled them and saved
me the trouble."
'"Remarkable! But what are you
r "Waiting for an earthquake to
shake the potatoes out of the
ground." ' ,
A FEATURE MISSING.
Edith had been to church for the
"And what did you think of it?"
aBked her mother.
"I didn't like the organ very well."
V "Cause there wasn't any monkey
with it. Harpers Magazine.
PLENTY OF COMPANY
Threwas an old Scottish pagan
in a small village who could be by
no means persuaded to attend
church. One day the minister met
him and began:
"How is it, John, you are so per
sistent in your absence from
"Weel," replied John, "it's just like
this the sermons are over lang for
"John! John!" wrathfully cried the
minister, "you'll dee and you'll go to
a place where youll hear no sermon,
long or short."
"Ah, weel, maybe that will be," re
plied the phlegmatic John; "but Fm
sure it'll no be for want of meenis-ters."
THE SOLDIER'S CHOICE
Little Frederick is a fine, manly
chap, and so far his over indulgent
mother and father have not succeed
ed in spoiling iim, says the Baltimore
He spends much of his time march
ing up and down with a fierce expres
sion on his face.
"What are you going to be when
you grow up, Frederick?" asked an
admiring friend of his one day.
"A soldier, of course," was the brief
"But you might get killed."
"Who'd kill me?"
"The enemy, naturally."
"Then I'll be the enemy," quickly
retorted the lad.
A STUBBORN HUSBANP
"My husband is one of the most
stubborn men in the world'
"He can't be any more stubborn
"Oh, yes, I'm sure he must be. Yes
terday I had an engagement to meet
him at 3 o'clock."
"Well, it was nearly 4:30 when I
got there, and he won't admit yet
that the rest he got while he was
waiting did him good."
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