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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, July 06, 1914, NOON EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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. P YOU EVER. ToUCt
1 i 1)212. BOTTOM.' .7
"When I reach the speed of sixty
miles an hour in my automobile, I
don't seem to care where I'm going."
"It's lucky you feel that way, be
cause when you are ttaveling sixty
kmiles an hour in an automobile you
don't really know where you are go
ing." WORTH HER WAGES
"You have a new cook?"
' "Yes," replied Mr. Crosslots.
"Is she doing good work?"
"Yes. She can't cook very much,
but she served notice that she
wouldn't stay if my daughter didn't
quit playing ragtime on the piano."
4 o o
; ON THE LOW GEAR
Bix How are you making out on
ryour resolution to economize?
Dix Fine! I've got my running
slowed down to a walk.
A CHARITABLE VIEW
She wps a dear old dame close ap
pro?c"iing her hundredth year, and
the country rector visited her each
week to comfort her fast-closing
He had been explaining the story
of the Flood and telling in detail how
all creation save Noah and his family
was washed away and drowned in
"Was they all drowned, sir?" ask
ed the dear old dame.
"All of them," said the rector sol
emnly. "Dear, dear, dear!" she sighed
sympathetically. "Well, sir, we can
but hope it wasn't true."
A youth who had just finished a
very tedious journey in a slow-going
train in South America said to one
of the railway officials:
"Does this company allow passen
gers to give it advice if they do so
in a respectful manner?"
The official replied in gruff tones
that he thought it did.
"Well," the youth went on, "it oc
curred to me it would be well to de
tach the cowcatcher from the front
of the engine and fasten it to the
rear of the train. For, you see, we
are not likely to overtake a cow, but
what's to prevent a cow strolling-into
the car and biting a passenger?"
THE LAND OF HURRY
Lord Howlung I notice that in this
country you run for Congress, while
at home you stand for Parliament.
Congress Buzwire Sure thing!
Standing won't get you anything in
the U. S. A. It takes speed to ctip off
a seat in Congress."
BRIMMING WITH JOY
"The reckless chauffeur simply
mowed down all the pedestrians in
"Was he full?"
"Full and running over." Balti
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