Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
ANSWERED AT LAST
A Swede was being examined in a
case where the defendant was accus
ed of breaking a plate-glass window
with a large stone. He was pressed
to tell how big the stone was, but he
could not explain.
"Was it as big as my fist?" asked
Uthe judge, who had taken over the
rNexamination from the lawyers in the
hope of getting some results..
"'It ban bigger, the Swede replied.
"Was it as big as my. two fists?"
s "It ban bigger."
v "Was it as big as my head?"
"It ban about as long, but not so
thick!" replied the Swede.
IN DEEP WATER "
F The cultured young woman from
oston was trying to make conversa-
- "Do you care for Crabbe's Tales?"
"I never ate any," replied the
breezy girl from Chicago, "but I'm
dead stuck on lobsters!" Judge.
A COCKNEY INCIDENT
"Fine, fresh fish," shouted the
thick-set indivMualas he wheeled, his
barrow up the street.
An old woman went to his barrow
and looked at the fish with longing
eyes. She was evidently very poor,
for when the hawker asked three
pence for a scaleful of selected bits
"Have 'em at tuppence, mum,"
growled the hawker.
"No, it's too much," said the wo
"Have 'em at a penny then."
Still the old woman hesitated.
There was a look of pity mixed
with disgust on the hawker's face,
and turning to the woman he said:
"Here, missus, I'll turn me back
while you sneak 'em."
A man very much out of breath
ran into the railroad station and made
a wild rush for the ticket seller's
window. A few moments later he
came back and sat down with an air
"So you missed your train," re
marked his neighbor. "I suppose
there was a woman at the ticket win
dow hunting for her pocketbook."
"Wore than that," replied the dis
appointed one. "There was a fat man
trying to get through the turnstile."
The physics instructor in a Texas
high school was teaching a German
girl whose vocabulary was not very
"What is a vacuum?" he asked.
j- "I have it in my head, but I cant
express it," was the reply. Woman's
"Do you know I envy the birds?"
"Yes, they're so gay and free; fly
here and "
"Yes, and have only one bill the
year 'round." N. Y. World.