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TO HIM WHO WAITS
The championship diamond belt for
optimism was awarded to a resident
of one of the rural districts of Scot
land. As the story goes an old man
was sitting on the roof of his home
during a flood, watching the waters
flow past, when a neighbor, who pos
sessed a boat, rowed across to him.
"Halloa, Bill " he said.
"Halloa, Sam, replied the other.
"All your fowls washed away this
mornin', Bill?" ""'"
"Yes, but the ducks can swim."
"Apple trees gone too, eh?"
"Well, they said the crops would
be a failure, anyhow."
"I see the river's reached above
your windows."
"That's all right, SamI Them win
doers needed washin'!"v (
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TRUE CHIVALRY
"Oh, thank you !" exclaimed an eld
i ; erly woman to a laborer who surren--
"dered his seal in a crowded. London
I bus. "Thank you very much!"
"That's orl right, mum," was the
hkrejoinder.
vAs the woman sat down the chiv-
rMlrous laborer added:
ft. wot l ses is, a man never ort to
lex a woman stand. Some men never
ygets up unless she's young and pret-
ty; but, you see, mum, it don,t make
'no difference to me."
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;f3nay I take It with me when I get
Ipiarnea, papa, dear.'
"Yes, put don't tell anyone: it
imight spoil your chances." Puck.
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HE DON'T HAVE TO
'fSL nHtr Ttnantair T ourvnoco irr.ii tintnTi
all these chickens yourself?
- Farmer No; we've got hens here
for that purpose. Judge.
TURNED THE JABLES
A young 'fellow -clad in homespun
was standing near the National Gal
lery in London, when he was accost
ed by half a dozen genteely-dressed
men with, "Just arrived in town?"
"Yes, and a great place it is," re
plied the young man from the coun.-
V j, ,
" 'Tis so," said another. "How is
your mother?" he continued, bent on
sport with the countryman. "
"Oh, she's pretty well," he replied;
"she sent meupon business."
"Ah, what kind of business?" con-'
tinued a third.
"Why," said the man, "she wanted
me to look about for half a dozen of
the biggest fools in London, and now
I think I've got my eyes on 'em."
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WHO WINS?
Two Pullman porters, representing
different railroads, met off duty and
progressed from friendly gossip to
heated argument. Their quarrel cen
tered about which one worked for the
better road. At last the tall, thin
porter settled the dispute with these
classic words: "Go on, niggah; we
kills mo' people den yoti fellahs tote."
Argonaut
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