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HESB PICTURES? NEITHER DO WE
. "Oh, thank you!" exclaimed an eld
erly woman to a laborer who surren
dered his seat in a crowded London
fbus. "Thanloyou very much!"
"That's orl right, mum," was the
3 As the woman sat down the chiv
alrous laborer added:
"Wot I ses is, a man never ort to
yet a woman stand. Some men never
gets up unless she's young and pret
ty; but, you see, mum, it'don't make
no differenca to me."
j. Just a hint
"This piano being my very own,
may I take it with me when I get
'married, papa, dear?"
"Yes, but don't tell anyone; it
might spoil your chances." Puck.
HE DON'T HAVE TO
is? City Boarder I suppose you hatch
all these cmckens "yourself?
- Farmer No; we've got hens here
for that purpose. Judge.
TO HIM WHO WAITS
The championship diamond belt for
optimism was awarded to a resident
of one of the rural districts of Scot
land. As the story goes an old man
was sitting on the roof of his home
during a flood, watching the waters
flow past, when a neighbor, who pos
sessed a boat, rowed across to him.
"Halloa, Bill," he said.
"Halloa, Sam," replied the other.
"All your fowls washed away this
"Yes, hut the ducks can swim."
"Apple trees gone too, eh?"
"Well, they said the crops would
be a failure, anyhow."
"I see the river's reached above
"That's all right, Sam! Them win
doers needed washin'!"
TURNED THE TABLES
A young fellow clad in homespun
was standing near the National Gal
lery in London, when he was accost
ed by half a dozen genteely-dressed
men with, "Just arrived in town?"
"Yes, and a great place it is," re
plied the young man from the coun
try. " 'Tis so," said another. "How is
your mother?" he continued, bent on
sport with the countrymanJ
"Oh, she's pretty well," he replied;
"she sent me upon business."
"Ah, what kind of business?" con
tinued a third.
"Why," said the man, "she wanted
me to look about for half a dozen of
the biggest fools in London, and now
I think I've got my eyes on 'em."
Two Pullman porters, representing
different railroads, met off duty and
progressed from friendly gossip to
heated argument. Their quarrel cen
tered about which one worked for the
better road. At last the tall, thin
porter settled the dispute with these
classic words: "Go on, niggah; we
kills mo people den you fellahs tote,"