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Newspaper Page Text
A DRASTIC REMEDY
Shortly after two o'clock one bitter
winter morning a physician drove
four miles in answer to a telephone
call. On his arrival the man who had
J summoned him said:
"Doctor, I'm not in any particular
pain, but somehow or other I've got
a feeling death is nigh."
The doctor felt the man's pulse
and listened to his heart
"Have you made your will?" he
asked filially. The man turned pale.
"Why, no, doctor. At my age
oh, it isn't true, is it? It can't be
"Who is your lawyer?"
"Higginbotham, but "
"Doctor, do you really think I'm
going to die?" The man began to
The doctor looked at him sternly.
"No, I don't," he replied grimly.
"There's nothing at all the matter
with you. But I'd hate to be the only
man you made an idiot of on a night
k,TisS CAR goes niRecrr?
3.33ER. MUSEUM! Jj
BE GOOD, TOWSER
The estate owned by the late Col.
Crowninshield in a New England sea
port town adjoins the pasture of a
sturdy1 farmer, relates the New York
Press. A valuable dog owned by the
colonel used to get into the pasture
and chase the farmer's cows. Finally,
he went to Col. Crowninshield and
requested that the annoyance be
"How do you kjiow it is my dog?"
asked Col. Crowninshield, rather un
satisfactorily. "How do I know?" exclaimed the
farmer, with rising indignation.
"Why, I've seen him time and again!"
"You must bring me better proof,"
replied the colonel coldly.
"All right, sir," said the farmer in
no uncertain tone. "The next time
the dog bothers my cows I'll bring
you all the proof you want In a
' AN EYE FOR AN EYE
"Gentlemen, I can't he about the
horse; he is blind in one eye," said
The horse was soon knocked down
to a citizen, who had been greatly
struck by the auctioneer's honesty,
and after paying for the horse he
"You were honest enough to tell
me that this animal was blind in one
eye. Is there any other defect?"
"Yes, sir, there is. He is also blind
in the other eye," was the prompt
A CLASH OF CREEDS
A gentleman,- rushing from his
room into the hall and sniffing dis
gustedly, demanded of Jeames, the
footman, whence arose the outrag
eous odor that was pervading the
whole house. To which Jeames re
plied: "You see, sir, today's a saint's day,
and the butter 'e's 'igh church, and is
burning hincense, and the cook, she's
low church, and is burning brown.
Lpaper to habviate the hincense." u