Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
SM.BGCOSs MaJ WAFA V4R J
UpcfFlH'rtOia HEART "foR -- "
ffc' W9&' correspond MCT
THERE'S YET TIME
Her Father You have been pay
ing attention to my daughter. You
(-haven't proposed yet?
, His Lordship Not yet, sir.
Her Father Now let us come
right down to business. What will
you take not to propose? Brooklyn
ALL SET .
!Tk) you think you have sufficient
counsel for my' boy?"
'Tes; we have a spread-eagle ora-
btor, a sob specialist, an insanity ex
pert, ana a utue cuss who Knows the
law, if we need any law." Pitts
Hemmandhaw Is there any way
to make the women dress decently?
Mrs. Hemmandhaw Certainly
J there is.
"Well, what is It?" -
rKUl off the ran.-
There was once a "Southern gen
tleman," who, having killed a man,
presented himself to the editor of a
"I have come," he said, "to tell
you about a painful occurrence at
my house. My brother-in-law and I
had an argument and I knifed him
and then, in the excitement of the
moment, I scalped him. Knowing
what exaggerated stories are apt to
get into the newspapers, I though I
had better step around and tell you
exactly what did happen." .f
o o '
There recently came to a fashion
able shoe shop a daughter of a Tnnn
whose wealth had been acquired
within, very recent years. The young
woman was disposed to patronize the
celrk and rejected a number of classy
slippers he produced for her approvaL
Finally she said: "I think, perhaps, I
shall take these two pairs. But Louis
XV heels are too high for me. Give
me a size lower or, say, perhaps
UUUIO AU1 Will UD m&xi cuuugu. r ;
Harper's Magazine. , 1
CLEVER ALSO ;
Mrs. Jellus (to prospective parlor-
maid) I am afraid you won't do.
You see, you are er very good
looking, and my husband, being an
artist, is a great admirer of 'female
Parlormaid Yes, ma'am; any one
can see that by his marrying you.
Mrs. Jellus Er well, anyway, I
will give you a month's triaL f v
NO ACCIDENT ;
Mrs. Cronan heanLher little grand- J
daughter, Margaret, crying as if in
pain, and hastened, to tie child.
"Why, dear, what is the matter?" !
inquired Mrs. Cronan. "Did you meet i
with an accident? "
"N-no," grandma!" sobbed Mar-
garet "It w-wasn't an accident! v
M-mother dW it on p-purposei