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Newspaper Page Text
( I LIKE DOT )
UND CUSTARD PIE,
UN PICKLES UNO
BuTlRjfoJILK KS 6CXJT.
' TO SEIECT 3DNfeDIH6S
r One day a Scottish boy an dan En
glish boy, who were fightmg, were
separated by their respective mothers
with difficulty, the Scottish boy,
though the smaller, being far the
"What garred ye ficht a big laddie
like that for?" said the mother, as she
wiped the blodd from ins nose.
' "And 111 fight him again" said the
boy, "if he says Scotchmen wear kilts
because their feet are too "big to get
into their trousers."
ON THE OTHER SHIFT
"This," said the druggist's assist
ant, "is a, most wonderful hair re
storer. It's our own preparation."
"Well, give me a bottle," said the
bald-headed man. "But, I say, come
to think of it, why don't you use it?
You're pretty bald yourself."
"I can't use it. You see, I'm the
'Before using assistant' The 'After
using assistant' is out at lunch. You
should see hiuxT
An old worthy was. in the habit of
calling each evening at the village inn
for a "drop o the best," When he had
gone one night the landlord discov
ered, to his horror, that he had sup
plied Donald out of the bottle of sul
phuric acid which he had been using
for cleaning the taps. Every moment
he expected to hear of Donald's death,
and his relief was.great when the old
worthy arrived next evening.
"Donald, what did you think o' the?
whisky ye got last night?"
"It was a fine dram, a good warm
ing dram, but it had wan fault every
time I coughed it set-fire to me whiskers."
"How did that argument you were
having with your neighbor come
"'Tain't finished yet," replied
Farmer CorntosseL "But I'm gettin'
the best of it"
"You were talking about internal
"Yes. But I'm gradually workin
it around to geometry. He doesn't
know anything "bout geometry."
"No. But I found one o'my boys'
school books, an' I reckon I can pick
up enough out of it to hold the de
bate jes' about where I want it
Washington Star. v ,
Authors are prone to be a little bit
"How is it that I never see you at
any of your confreres' first nights?"
"Well," replied the playwright, 'Til
tell you. If the play is bad it annoys
me; and if it's good it annoys me,
OFTEN MISS-LAID IT
Maud What a finely chiseled
mouth Jack has. It ought to be on a
Ethel It is, pretty often, J hib
" - ..i.CLtiL