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Newspaper Page Text
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BULLFROG VHJLE AUSTRIA 1SS IK
peril uno iss concernssane
ITS ARMIES. WHY 3oMT
xtii nv umin orv -
WISDOM OF FATHER
They were speaking of the f oxiness
of some citizens the other afternoon
when Geo. S. Bliss, chief of the Phila
delphia -weather bureau, told of a
stunt exploded by an esteemed citi
zen named Brown
Brown, who lived in the picturesque
suburbs, returned home late one
evening with a package which he de
posited on the dmingroom table. IDs
wife, naturally curious, lost no time
in starting to investigate.
"What have you been-buying, Jim
my?" she asked, taking up the pack
age and untying the string.
"A cornet," answered Jimmy; "I
have been thinking for some time "
'"A cornet?" was the wondering In
terjection of the wife. "I thought you
knew better than to buy a cornet
You know very well that the man
next door worries you almost to death
"Yes, I know," was the smiting re
sponse. "That is the one I bought"
NOT ON THE MENU
Prospects of a good meal were not
bright but the ' fly-blown eating
house was the only thing of its kind
in the neighborhood, so Johnson had
no choice but to enter and try his
Entering the dingy diningroom, he
seated himself at a table covered by
a stained cloth.
A depressed waiter sauntered In
eventually, and nearly fainted on be
holding a customer.
"Have you any cold pie?" queried
"Er no, sir!"
"Any chicken?" '
"Er no, sir!"
"Well, I suppose I can have some
beef, can't I?"
"Er no, sir!"
"What on earth have you got in the
"Er the sheriff, sir."
- o o
-SO SHOULD HE REAP"
The late Rev. Silvester Home, who
represented Ipswich in parliament,
rused to tell an amusing story con
cerning a visit which Mr. Balfour
once paid to that town. An old lady,
hard of hearing, seeing the crowd of
people outside the station and the ex
tra police present mixed up the
Unionist leader's arrival with the
Ipswich term of court, and asked a
neighbor for whom they were wait
ine. When she was told it was Mr.
Balfour, the old lady said:
"Well. I sunnose if tne Door man
has done anything wrong he's got to
A FLOOD SURVIVOR I
There Is a little girl I know who
looked long and wonderingly at her
aged and venerable grandfather, and .
then said deliberately: "Grandpa,
you's very old, isn't you? Was you
in the Ark?"
"Certainly not my dear," said the
astonished old gentleman.
"Then why wasn't you drowned?"
asked the small child triumphantly