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Newspaper Page Text
HttF AQNEV. 1 SEE MORfr )
3SPtM0NDS WASS IMfUfeTET
NO METHOD IN IT
P The guests at the table were dis
- "I lived on eggs and milk for two
months," remarked one lady, "and
gained 10 pounds."
''And I, said a gentleman, "lived
for over a year on nothing but milk;
and gained in weight every day."
X "Mercy! came the chorus. How
Mid you manage to do it?"
. l cannot say tnat i remember, ne
replied, "but I presume my method'
was similar to that of other babies."
CLOSE TO REAL LUCK
. f .Fat Arran, now, t.nim railways
' arfl o mnitrhttr fnfno invtnfnn onr.
;W 0V., .WW U.W, iij-
2? Friend I shouldn't have thought
fvou could. find mur.1i to fldmfrp In
Ithem, Pat, seeing that you lost your
leg in a 'railway accident
Pat Faith, and didn't Oi get a
thousand dollars' damages? Sure,
tlf 'it had only been me head Oi'd have
owned the line. Dallas News,
As he passed through the almost
uninhabited district he came upon a
cottage. He drew near, and, to his
horror, beheld a poor old woman
seated on a stone outside the hut,
with all her humble belongings gath
ered round her.
An eviction! Then what he had
read was true, after all. He looked
at the resigned face of the old dame
seated, with her household goods
around her, alone in that desolate
He must do something'. Walking
up to her he tenderly placed a five
pound note in her thin hand. He
noted, with some pleasure, the look
of amazement that grew in her eyes
ad she realized this generosity.
"Tell me, what is the trouble,
mother?" he asked gently.
"Thank ye, koindly, sir! It's me
old man inside whitewashin' the
place from top to bottom!"
AT THE OPERA
A certain representative in con-
! gress from the west Is very fond of
music, and it annoys him to a degree
at the opera to perceive the inatten
tion of the audience.
One night when he had slipped over
to New York to visit the Metropolitan
a friend found him supping at a
"I have been to the opera said
he, in response to the other's inquiry.
"What did you hear? "
"I heard," said the representative,'
"that the-Twillers are going to get a
divorce, that young Van Gilder has
married an English barmaid, and
that Mrs. J. C. Spreckelmeyer is
gradually pawning her jewels."
A BETTER PLACE
"Mamma," queried little Myra, "do
you think grandpa has really gone to
"Yes, dear," was the reply.
"Well," continued Myra, "I'll bet
he sneaks outside once in a while t$
smoke his pipe."