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Newspaper Page Text
mmmmmmmmmmm l r Stf81 SISTER SYMPATHY A young woman collecting rents for a reform tenement association appeared one day with an ice bag bound over one eye. She explained to the tenant that she had conjunc tivitis. That was worse than Greek to Mrs. Kiawalski, who insisted on seeing what such a long word might hmean. JMotning was sam uu tne ai- flicted member was xebandaged, when the Polish sister, wise in ex perience, remarked with a sigh: "Sorry, but I did not know you were married." o o SCATTERED FORCE "Gent uptown telephones for an officer at once. Burglar in the house." "Let me see," said the captain, re flectively. "I've got four men censor ing plays, two inspecting the gowns at a society function and two more supervising a tango tea. Tell him I can send him an officer in about two iours." Kansas City Journal. FREEZING YOUNG LOVE "Maria," said old Touchnut to his wife, "where's our Gladys?" "Now don't be an idiot!" answered bis dutiful'spouse. "She's with young Banks in the drawingroom." "Maria, I've a good mind to tell the boy to keep off our grass, but I don't know how to do it." "You chump!" said his wife, lay ing down the newspaper. "Speak to a boy of 17 about courting a girl of 16. You'd just do what you want to avoid." "But, my dear " "Oh, nonsense! I'll soon settle this matter!" "Gladys!" she called, going to the door. "It's 8 o'clock, and time you were in bed. Harold, you take an orange, and run along home'" Thus another budding romance was crushed. SOME EXCEPTIONS A story is told of a sailor who de cided to walk from Newport to Car cliff. He met a cart driver, and asked: "How far is it from Newport to Car diff?" "Twelve, miles, mister," was the reply. "Thankee," said Pat. "An how far is it from Cardiff to Newport?" Driver Didn't I tell you how far it was from Newport to Cardiff? Do you suppose it was any farther the other way back? Irishman Sure and I don't know. I know it is a great deal farther from New Year's day to Christmas than from Christmas to New Year's day. o o HAD EARNED IT The pompous judge glared sternly over his spectacles at the tattered prisoner who had been dragged be fore the bar of justice on a chajge of vagrancy. "Have you ever earned a dollar In your life?" he asked in fine scorn. "Yes, your honor," was the re sponse, "I voted for you at the last election." MriMMMittttftftMMttMMMaii