Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
1 I i . " 3?rr CAESAR, VOPS X
j ,- ' v 0S COWHS 3CW0 UER, J
J w, STREET? A CIRCUS?
TWAS HIS WIFE
A ring on the telephone drew the
office boy. "Lady to talk to you, sir,"
said he to the senior partner.
The senior partner took up the re-
J-ceiver and stood at the phone for
several minutes. Then he laid the
receiver down and went back to his
desk. Twenty minutes, later he rais
ed the receiver, said a few words, and
presently hung it up. Then he turn
ed to his partner.
It was my wife, he explained.
"She was still talking and hadn't
LIFE'S TOO SHORT
v. A retail dealer in leather goods, do
ing a business in Baltimore, wrote
to a firm In southern Massachusetts,
ordering a carload of the merchan-
: g Tdise. The firm wired him;
V "Cannot ship your order until the
i fe- bJast consignment is paid for.'r
, ,feJ "Unable to wait so long," tele
; issESgraphed the leather merchant- "Can-
j eel the order." Ldppincott's. ;
N . .
THE DISCREET KEEPER
A poor shot made a dreadful ex
hibition of himself while rabbiting.
Finally a rabbit, about five yards in
front, sat down broadside to him, and
he took slow and careful aim.
It seemed to him he couldn't miss
such a splendid broadside, and after
the report he opened his eyes and said
to the keeper hopefully:
"Well, did I hit him?"
The keeper scratched his ear.
"I dunno, sir, as I can exactly say
you hit him," he said, "but I never
seen a rabbit wuss skairt"
IT COULDNT BE
The detective had congratulated
the housewife for bringing about the
arrest of a noted sneakthief.
"Oh, I knew he was a crook the
minute he opened his mouth," she
"How did you spot him so quick
ly?" "Why, he told me the gas company
had sent him to examine our meter
and see if we were entitled to a re
bate." o o "
Necessity is the mother of inven
tion, but she isn't always proud of
her offspring. .
Breathes there a woman with soul
so dead that she can resist reading
an article on "How to Be Beautiful?"
ACCOUNTING FOR IT
Customer I think this meat Is
Meat Market Proprietor Perhaps
so, mum, but that meat came from
a prize lamb and it -may have been
petted too much.
"Her dress," said one of the men,
looking at her as she went past, "is
so awkward she can hardly walk."
"And yet her complexion," replied
the other, "which is much tighter
and thicker Is running." Judge.