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Newspaper Page Text
" WORKED BOTH WAYS
When he had carefully examined
the shoes the physician had brought
bin for repairs, the German cobbler
handed them back saying: Dem
shoes ain't worth mending, doctor."
; "Very well, Hans," said the doctor;
"then of course I won't have any
thing done to them."
"Veil, but I sharge you fifty cents
"Why, what for?"
"Vy, ven I came to see you de ud
der day, you sharged me for telling
me dot dere ain't noddings der mat
ter mit me."
"I saw voune Suburban running
ha new machine this morning."
"Was it one of the latest models?"
"I couldn't Bay."
"I thought you knew all about
"So I do. But I don't know any
thing about lawn mowers." N. Y.
ONE ON THE ENGLISH
The late Duke of Argyll used to tell
a story of a small menagerie which
visited Inveraray. During its stay
there a large ape escape dfrom its
cage and wandered about on $B
hillside, where it eventually died of
starvation. Here it was found by two
Highlanders, who were much puz
zled what to make of it.
"What kind o' a beast's yon?" ask
The other looked closer. "It's no'
a beast, it's a man," he said. "But did
ye ever see sic' a hairy man?"
"It's the queerest-lookin' man I
ever saw," said the other. "Maybe
we'd better just go up to the Castle
an' see if ony o the English visitors
is mlssin' since yesterday!"
DOING HIS BEST
A Western preacher tells of a mar
riage ceremony heperformed for a
couple from a small town. After all
was completed the couple evinced no
disposition to leave the chancel So
the clergyman held out his hand,
shook hands with the bride and then
held out his hand to the bridegroom.
The latter had his fist deep in his
trousers pocket, and as the minister
stood with his hand out he said some
what impatiently, and in a tone that
could be heard all over the church:
"Well, I am getting the money out as
Lfast as I can." Houston Chronicle.
"The small son and heir was trying
hard to sit up late and enjoy it But
he was very sleepy.
"I thought you went to bed with
the chickens, young man?" said a
"No, I don't" he answered. "I have
a room all to myself."
'The Hon. Thomas Rott declares
that he -will stake his reputation
"Hoh! He isn't gambling very
heavily, Is he?" Juage,