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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, September 17, 1914, LAST EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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JUST IN HIS LINE
Hearing a noise at the kitchen en
trance, the man of the house slipped
quietly to the rear door and suddenly
opened it. The grocer's delivery boy
was there with a basket containing a
dozen eggs, a pound of butter and
some Roquefort cheese.
"Oh, it's you, is it, Billy?" said the
man, "My wife is always afraid when
Lshe hears, a noise here, especially aft
er it begins to grow dark. She thinks
it's a robber."
"Well," she needn't change her
,mind on my account," glooming re
sponded the grocer's boy, handling
vover the goods and presenting the
bill, which called for $1,87. Atlanta
, NOT HOME
f "Is your mistress in?"
"Did you see her at the window as
syou came up the walk, ma'am?"
"Well, she said if you hadn't seen
her to say that she was out."
BCo9S HE HAT A T
HE WAS READY
The captain of a certain troop ship
conveying a cavalry regiment to the
Cape was noted for his wit, and at
every opportunity that offered he
loosed his shafts of humor to the
chagrin and embarrassment of their
targets. Sooner or later the stinger
gets stung, however, and this chronic
pun artist was no exception to the
On one occaslon.when about two
days out from port, he approached a
group of soldiers who were swabbing
the forward deck, and singling out a
big, raw-boned Irish recruit, who was
experiencing-his first taste or sailors
life, he gravely asked:
"Can you steer the mainmast down
the forecastle stairs?"
Quick as a flash came the reply:
"Yes, sir, I can, if you will stand
below and coll it up."
The late Wilson Barrett possessed
a valuable old dresser who has the
good fortune to be built on the same
classic lines as Barrett himself, and
accordingly inherited his master's
cast-off clothes. One day something
had upset Barrett at a rehearsal and
he lost his temper. He strode into his
dressing room and incontinently
dashed his hat with great violence in
to the corner of the apartment The
faithful dresser, who knew every
mood of his master, merely exclaim
ed, but with a touch of reproach:
"Here, steady, guv'norj I've got to
wear that some day!"
DESERVES A CROWN
"Are you sure you love your neigh
bor as yourself?" asked St Peter,
who was cross-examining the new
"Yes," answered the applicant for
a golden crown. "For 10 years he
used my telephone to carry on his
business and" I never complained."
"Enter my good man," said St.
Peter, with much feeling, Birming
ham. AgerHerald. , j