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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, September 25, 1914, LAST EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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THE AMERICAN FAMILY
"How's the'family, Jack, all well?"
"No, my wife's grandmother is laid
"No, sprained ankle."
"Slipped, I suppose?"
"No, not exactly. She fell at a
"Yes, her birthday party."
"Oh. that's too bad- How old is
"How did she happen to fall?"
"She was trying out a new hesi
tation step." Detroit News.
FLEMISH GIANTS, MAYBE
"We want a couple of pounds of
cheese and some large square crack
ers for a Welsh rabbit."
The old man seemed doubtful. "I
got the cheese all right," said he,
"but I ain't got no large, square
Lcrackers. Won't your rabbit eat the
Dixidu uuui iiaiiu o iuagauud I
HE COT THIS ONE
There is a Baltimore divine who
can administer a rebuke delicately,
but, on occasion, he sees to it that
the point is plain. Once a wealthy
member of his congregation, who is
very close to the minister, spoke of
his intention to go abroad.
"I have never been on the ocean,"
said he to the clergyman, "and I
would like to learn something that
will prevent me from becoming sea
sick." "You might swallow a dime," said
the divine. "You'll never give that
up." N. Y. Globe.
IN THE OLD LINE
A country doctor discharged his
coachman on account of his un
steady habits. The coachman took
service with the village butcher, and
one day when' driving a number of
beasts to the slaughter house, met his
"Well, Tom," said the doctor, pat
ronizingly, "you are in a different
sort of employment now?"
"Not at all, sir," said Tom, who
bore his former employer a grudge.
"Not at all; I'm still in the slaughter
Toole, the English actor, used to
get off a good thing occasionally. At
dinner at a country hotel he was
sitting next to a gentleman who had
helped himself to an extravagantly
large piece of bread. Toole took it
up and began to cut a slice from it.
"Sir," said the indignant gentleman,
"that is my bread."
"I beg a thousand pardons, Blr,"
replied the actor, "I mistook it for
Little Jack Mamma, please give
me another lump of sugar for my
coffee. I dropped the other one.
Mamma Well, here's another, but
where did you drop the other onel
Little Jack In my coffee,