ONE MAN'S OPINIONS
BY N. D. COCHRAN
A Future for Kings. I have been
worrying now and then about what
we would do with the world's kings
when we all get together and organ
ize the United States of the World.
As I am opposed to capital pun
ishment under any circumstances,
and wouldn't even legally execute
kings for .having started a murder
ous war, I can't advocate hanging,
electrocuting or guillotining them.
But if we let them live they'll have
to stick around somewhere, and I
have been trying to find a reasonably
soft spot where they can light after
we've canned the whole bunch.
It occurs to me that we might buy
a big island somewhere and put all
the kings, czars, emperors, grand
dukes, princes, dukes, counts, lords,
earls and all the rest of royalty male
and female on this island barring all
common people entirely.
I'd pick out a rich, fertile island
with lots of good soil, climate and
scenery, and stock it with enough
cattle, pigs, horses, chickens, ducks,
geese, agricultural implements, etc.,
to let the whole bunph go to work for
a living. There would be no maids,
no valets, no butlers, no grooms, no
chauffeurs, no servants of any kind.
The kings would have to put on their
own clothes in the morning and take
'em off at night
The female royalties would have
the same proud privilege.'They could
take off their own duds and keep 'em
off for all I'd care.
The women would have to do their
own housework, pick eggs, milk the
cows, make the butter, mop up the
kitchen floors, nurse their own royal
babies, change the babes themselves
when necessary, and do the work
that women can best do.
The kings, czars, emperors and
other royal things would have to do
all the farm work, plow, sow, harrow,
cultivate, reap, mow and haul the
manure to replenish the exhausted
soil. They'd have to feed the pigs,
curry the horses, chop the wood and
do all the things that servants have
heretofore done for them.
And, instead of the hereditary right
to rule, I'd give all of their children
the simple hereditary right to work
and hustle for their own grub.
You see we won't need any of 'em
in our United States of the World,
and I don't know of any better way
to get rid of 'em and still make them
healthy, hopeful, harmless and happy
than by giving them a country ex
clusively, for royalty, and then let
nature take its course.
That would, be better than cutting
their heads off, or kicking them off
the various throne? and telling them
to go to hell. We mustn't be too
rough with royalty, you know.
And after a few generations of
healthy work on an island like that
might enable them to breed a race
of honest working people. Then the
world might find a use for them.
Editor Day Book: The president
in refusing to personally receive the
protests of the German-Americans of
Chicago deplored the existence of
what he terms hyphenated American
ism and declared we are Germans,
Irish, etc., or Americans.
All loyal patriotic Americans are
with the president in his present at
titude on that question.
Perhaps the president now realizes
his error of Thanksgiving day last
year when he officially recognized
hyphenated Americanism by attend
ing the Pan-American mass, by that
act violating his own proclamation
for us to assemble in our accustomed
-places of worship. G. L. S.
THAT CITY MARKET
Editor Day Book: I have just
read an article in your Day Book
about the municipal market and am
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