Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
A little girl Walked into a grocery
store at Bayside, L. I., and ordered a
f nickel's worth of animal crackers.
The clerk was in the act of putting
4,the purchase in a paper sack when
.'the small patron halted him, asking:
"Are there any elephants in those
"Oh, yes," said the clerk; 'lots of
"Then please pick them all out and
put 'em back in the box again," or
dered the custpmer. "My little broth-
li-er Is-afraid of elephants." Saturday
l Tom Ochiltree, having been hurt in
jj4a railway accident, brought suit for
l uamages. walking with the aid of
I crutches some months afterward, he
meta mend, who inquired:
"Can't you get along without
L Crutches. Tom?"
It?"1' "Mv Unntnr cairn T ioti " oaM rMifl
I tree, "but my lawyer says I cant."
At a recent banquet in New York,
W. F. McCombs told a story of a dis
cussion in which several well-known
philanthropists were mentioned and
praised to the skies.
After they had been speaking for
some time, Mr. McCombs said a man
in the corner remarked:
"Your philanthropists are all right,
but I think it is only just that my
next door neighbor should be includ
ed." "Is he generous?" asked one.
"I should just say he is," Was the
emphatic reply. "No matter .how
many tramps go to his door, he never
seems to send one of them away
"You don't mean iU" exclaimed
one of his hearers.
"I do," replied the other man. "He
always gives them something; he
gives them a letter of introduction
THOSE WAR PLACES
"Hurry!" yelled father. "Hurry a
couple of times!"
-fWhat in the world is the matter?"
asked mother. "You act like a mon
key!" "I've just discovered a wonderful
thing!" father replied. "Here's one
town in Europe with a name that is
pronounced exactly like it is spelled!"
Kansas City Star. ,
o o "
A BUSY DOCjTOR
When a woman patient living far
from town had to telephone for her
physician she apologized for asking
him to come such a distance.
"Don't speak of it," said tie doc
tpr cheerfully; "I happen to have an
other patient in that vicinity, and so
can kill two birds with one stone."
A RARA AVIS
Mrs. Hiram Often I'm afraid well
never find the equal of that last cook
we had. She Was, indeed, a rare bird.
Her Husband Yes, rare, and alas,