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"Oh, yes, Martha sings in the choir
and she has about the best voice of
anyone in it," boasted Martha's aunt,
who may not have known much
about music, but who certainly knew
all about choirs.
"Isn't that boasting just a little?"
gently inquired her husband.
"No, it ain't," retorted Martha's
aunt. "I know she's the best singer
in the lot because no one else in the
choir will speak to her!" Lippin
cott's. o o
A PUZZLED MOTHER
Dr.Arnold was paying a visit to
one of his patients a young mother.
"You must, let the baby have one
cow's milk o drink every day, Mrs.
Burrell," he said.
"Very well, doctor, if you say so,
of course I will," replied the per
plexed young woman, "but I really
don't see how he is going to hold
it alL" Iippincott's, J
DINNER AND DATES
A waiter, duly impressed by the
hungry one's critical examination of
the menu and the wine list, waited
obsequiously for the order.
"Hum. I see you have some '74
claret. Is that so?"
"Yes, sir yes, sir! Oh, yes, sir,"
answered the man, flicking imagin
ary crumbs on to the carpet with a
"Very good, then! Bring me a bot
tle and a cold roast spring chicken,
salad and toast!"
After sipping the wine and chip
ping a bit off his knife on the chick
en, the hungry one glowered at the
"What," quoth he, "did I order?"
"Spring chicken, sir, and '74 claret,
"Hum! Thought I must have said
spring claret and '74 chicken!"
"Darling," he cried, "I 'swear by
this great tree whose spreading
branches shade us from the heat
by this noble tree I swear that I have
never loved before."
The girl smiled faintly. "You al
ways say such appropriate things,
Dick," she murmured. "This is a
chestnut tree." Top-Notch.
o o ,
Joseph Chamberlain was the guest
of honor in an important city. Tie
mayor presided, and when coffee was
being served he leaned over and
touched Mr. Chamberlain, saying:
"Shall we let the people enjoy
themselves a little longer, or had we
better have our speech now?"
THE BARGAIN HOUR
"What's your time?" asked the old
farmer of the brisk salesman.
"Twenty minutes after five. What
can I do for you?"
"I want them pants," said the old
farmer, leading the way to the win
dow and pointing to a ticket marked;
"Given away at JL2Q .