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Newspaper Page Text
PERFECTION, SOME MORE
Prof. Walter McGee of the University of California is the latest to dis
cover "a perfect woman." Says Miss Clarice Davis, one of the U. of C. stu
dents, equals Annette Kellerman and is "the most perfect specimen of
womanhood that has ever come under his observation."
It is about time that this "perfect woman" business became taboo.
About every week some newspaper trots out a most perfect woman and it's
tiresome, considering that all women are perfect, or there abouts, and no
particular discoverer's candidate can be accepted, since nobody knows the
extent of the discoverer's observation.
There should be a fixed standard. Now they only give us the height,
weight, neck, waist, calf and ankle measurements. These are only a partial
aid in woman's sizing herself up or being sized up by the public. There are
a heap of other things necessary to even approximate perfe'cttion. What
behoveth a woman to possess a lovely 15-inch calf, if, a little further along,
she have corns, bunions and ingrowing toenails? Can there be perfection,
in a smooth, rounded 13-inch neck that has to bear up a 5-pound wen?
And, after you've discovered even a cornless, wenless, physically per
fect woman, who does it all amount to, anyhow? The chances are that
the perfection will curse her, and it is no insurance against her producing
monstrosities. Every woman should be as perfect, physically, as she can,
be, but when one is presented as a shining example of perfection there
should be no stint of particularization. The general contour may conceal
such a list of blemishes. .
BY A. G. BETTS
Aisne may flow crimson with allies' gore,
Meuse be disturbed with cannon roar;
England enlisting to her very last man,
Russia force Austria as far as she can;
Italy be silently mobilizing her force,
China objecting to Japan's course;
Austria may lose till her throne is shaken,
Nancy may be bombarded till taken.
Netherlands be flooded to offset the foe,
Europe filled with destruction and woe;
Uhlans may take war prisoners galore,
Turkey be threatening a "Holy War";
Roumania, on the side of the Serb, may stand,
Alsace-Lorraine given back to Fatherland,
Louvain may be wrecked by the vandal hand;
Irish refuse to fight for King George,
Tsing Tau rebel if pressed to disgorge;
Yet American Neutrality will remain the same
And in the world war get the best of the game.
BUYING A DOG BLANKET
"What's the matter there? Can't
you please that lady in a dog blanket?"
J5can please her aH right," an- jjadggj
swered the clerk; "but she wants the '
dog to indicate his preference and
he's one of these blase pups that
doesn't seem to care for anything."