Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
f HA-HA- HAjN,
( HEME'S VEeEMJosvr.i
WHAT EVERY DAD KNOWS
"Where," said the land agent, ad
dressing an audience of possible pur
chasers, "where else on the face of
the globe will you find in one place
copper, tin, iron, cotton, hemp,
A voice replied:
"In the pocket of my youngest
son." N Y. Globe.
A DILATORY DROWSER
The servant girl in a suburban
family was taken to task "for over
v well, ma am, sne said. "I sleep
VJrery Blow, and so it takes me a long
while to get a good night's rest"
A DECEIVED MAN '
Blx That lawyer you recommend-
Tea is not a man of his word.
Dix Why not?
Bix He told me I could talk freely
Co him, and look at the bill he's sent
MORE IN HIS FLOCK
There was a certain bishop who
had a pleasant habit of chatting with
anybody he might meet during his
country walks. One day he came
across a lad who was looking after
some pigs by the roadside, and the
bishop paused to ask him what he
was doing, that being his usual open
ing to conversation.
"Moindin swoine," the lad replied
The bishop nodded his head
"Ah, is that so?" he commented.
"And how much do you earn a
"Two shillin's," was the reply.
"Only two shillings?" remarked
the bishop. Then he continued pleas
antly, "I, too, am a shepherd, but I
get more than two shillings."
The lad looked at him suspiciously
for a minute; then he said slowly.
"Mebbe you gets more swoine nor
me to moind."
CHOOSING A MEAL
Pat had just arrived from the Em
erald Isle and he was feeling very
hungry. So he went into a restau
rant close by and asked the waiter
how much he would charge him for
"A quarter," replied the waiter.
"Well, how much will you charge
me for my dinner?" said Pat
"Thirty-five cents," replied the
"Well, what win you charge me for
my supper, then?"
"Twenty cents," was the reply.
"Then, if ye please, will ye give me
my supper?" said Pat
"That man must be an insidious
lobbyist," declared Congressman
"What haB he done?" inquired
"He invited me to share a bottle of
grape juice with him." Pittsburgh,