Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
A New Yorker was spending a
night at a "hotel" in a southern town
and, when going to his room for the
night, he told the colored porter that
he wanted to be called early in the
morning. The porter replied:
"Say, boss, Ah reckon yo' ain't fa
miliar with these modern inventions.
When yo' wants to be called in de
mawnin' all yo' has to do is jest to
press de button at de head of yo' bed.
Den we comes up an' calls yo'."
NO USE FOR SYMPATHY
A Yorkshireman suffering from
toothache went to a dentist to have
the aching tooth out. The dentist
pulled out the offending tooth, and
was then asked to pull out the double
tooth next to it
"But that is a sound tooth," said
the dentist "The pain is only sym
pathetic." "Yank it out, doctor. Hang such
sympathy," replied the Tyke. Tit-Bits.
The judge was a kindly old fellow,
and the young barrister was nervous.
"My unfortunate client " he be
gan, in a quaking voice and a dry
throat, then stopped.
Fumbling amongst his papers with
a trembling hand, he began again.
"My unfortunate client " Again
his throat dried up.
Despairingly mopping his brow
with a handkerchief, he made another
"My unfortunate client " But ib
was no good.
The judge, smiling down at him in
a kindly way, said:
"You may proceed with your state
ment, Mr. Blank. The court, so far,
is in entire agreement with you!"
TWAS THE LIMIT
It was evening. He and she were
seated in her father's room burning
her father's gas.
"Answer me, Angelina!" he cried,
in a voice full of passionate earnest
ness. "Answer me! I can bear this
suspense no longer."
"Answer him, Angelina!" came a
voice through the keyhole. "Answer
him! I can bear this expense no
Spurgeon, the famous preacher,
was once asked the following curi
ous question: "Would a man go to
Heaven who learned to play the cor
net on Sunday?" His reply was thor
oughly characteristic. Said he: "I
don't see why he should not; but"
after a pause "I doubt whether the
man next door would." New York
AGREED FOR ONCE
Mr. Gnaggs I want you to under
stand, Mr. Gnaggs, that I am no fooL
Mrs. Gnaggs For once I agree
with you. 'A fool and his money are
soon parted, and I have never beea
able to 'get a dollar out of yoiu i