Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
pl l l fi v II r V f
' x . ( MT toU BRING IT I
rr tss iNsrreT per jsain y
( oirrsrre. all ruim n.
MOTES AND BEANS
Married men declare that their
wives can't keep a secret, but these
men themselves are just as bad.
A married man buttonholed anoth
er in the billiard room and told a
I frightful scandal.
"Don t let this go any farther,
George," he ended.
"No, certainly not," said the oth
er. "But how did you happen to
"Oh, the wife, of course," he an
swered. "She's just like all women
can't keep a secret"
SHOULD BE PATENTED
"0, my friends, there are some
spectacles that one never forgets!"
said a lecturer, after giving a graphic
description of a terrible accident he
"I'd like to know where they sells
'em," remarked an old lady in the
audience who is always mislaying
THE CORRECT TIME
Professor Turner has been spend
ing the Christmas vacation in Egypt
to supervise the erection of a tele
scope at Helouan. Captain Lyons,
who was in charge of the instrument,
said that he found that at noon every
day a gun was fired, and was anxious
to know how the system worked. Ac
cordingly he interviewed the gunner
and asked how he knew when ho
gave the signal.
"Oh, I look at my watch," said tha
"And how do you correct your
watch?" asked the captain.
"I take it to the maker in Cairo,
and he tells me the error."
Forthwith Captain Lyons Inter
viewed the watchmaker and asked
him how he checked the error on
"I get the correct time from the
gun," said the simple craftsman, and
thus time was told in Egypt,
A SLIGHT MISTAKE
"Tickets," said the collector as he
opened the door of the car in which,
sat a man who looked, as if he was
anchored to his seat The man hand
ed over the pasteboard, which was
duly inspected. Then, looking around,
the collector said: "Is there another
gentleman in the car?"
"Is that other portmanteau yours.
"Yes; on the floor there by the
"Those," said the traveler with dig
nity, "are my feet" Houston Chron
icle. o o
AIMED TO PLEASE
Clerk WhatTl I tell this customer
the undershirt shrinks -or doesn't
Proprietor Is it too large or too
Clerk Two sizes too big.
Proprietor Guarantee it to shrink
at the first washing