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Newspaper Page Text
"fc TEC 3EEPST FIBER. Of -
jy sensitive aWcture. aoouph
?EY WASS QANT 2OS
STTATUAKY, DOSE TAFE3TK.Y.
rEkbSE. -5Lt). HAlJD-PXJWTED
AlASTSJES ACH,WDT A LOSS
"If some of these financiers keep
telling on one another they'll all end
with the character that Cal Clay gave
The speaker was Gilford Pinchot.
"Cal Clay was a witness in behalf
of the deacon, who was up for chick
" 'Calhoun, my man,' the lawyer
said, 'what do you know of the dea
" 'Hit aam unreachable, sah,' Cal
o p r-
HOW THEY FIT
. She Was rich but uneducated and
'had a cottage for the summer at the
Seaside. Her one problem was how
to secure as her house guest the
:q vrecognizea leader or society in her
Jfpi Home town. The invitation was be-
' ing verbally extended, and as a last
inducement Mrs. Malaprop ended:
"And as you sit on the front porch
Iit's charming to watch the little
white-sailed boats flit pro and cpiu"
WAR? WHAT WAR?
"One of my hen's laid an egg this
morning with a big 'W on it as plain
as could be!" stated Farmer Gap?.
"Well, that don't hurt it for mar
ketin', does it?" returned Neighbor
"No, but "W is a sign of war, and
what I don't understand is how the
"Knew what the alphabet?"
"No, about the war?"
"Good gracious, Ezry! Haven't you
heard about the terrible war in Eu
rope?" "No. I've been entertainin' my
wife's deaf uncle, and nobody in our
neighborhood has heard anything
lately but me Tiollerin' to him about
things that are none of his blame
business!" Kansas City Star.
It was at the vaudeville. The girl
with the excruciating voice had just
finished her song.
"""Just think!" groaned Brown, to
the stranger beside him. "We paid
real money to hear that!"
"I didn't," was the placid response.
"Came in on a 'comp.' "
"But you had to spend carfare to
get here, did you not?" asked Brown.
"Nope," replied the uncomplaining
one. "I live in 'walking distance."
"But," persisted Brown, desper
ately, "at least you hoped to be en
tertained, not punished."
"No, I didn't care," grinned the
stranger. "I came to get away from
home.. My wife Is cleaning house."
Johnny's mother had instituted a
fine of 10 cents for every spot made
on the tablecloth. One day Johnny
was observed rubbing his finger for
a long time over the cloth at his plate
"John, what are you doing?" said
his mother at last.
"Nothing. I was just trying to rub
two spots into one." Judge.
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