Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
RAL DAYS LATER:
MW ifo-HofoR OF
W SlfjiTHDAY, OSCAR.,
Li . .
GOOD TIME TO BITE
A fanner met a man at a railroad
depot who asked him for a chew of
tobacco. The farmer pulled out a
plug and said:
"Have you got a knife?"
"No," replied the man. "Have you
any particular place where you want
me to bite it?"
"Nope," said the farmer.
The man jumped aboard the mov
ing train and yelled back:
"All right, then, I'll bite it in the
fcext town." National Monthly.
- ""Where's my umbrella?" demand
ed the wife of a member of Parlia
Inent. & "I'm afraid I've forgotten it, my
dear," meekly answered her husband.
"It must be in the train."
"In the train?" snorted the lady.
"And to think that the affairs of the
nation are intrusted to d. man who
doesn't know enough to take care of
a woman's umbrella 1"
There fs a little girl in Springfield,
Mass., who, like many of her sex,
resents the imputation that the fem
inine mind is not so strong as the
One day her mother remarked on
the apparent lack of intelligence in
"You can't teach a hen anything,"
she said. "They have done more
harm to the garden than a drove of
cattle would. You can teach a cat,
a dog or a pig something, but a hen
"H'm!" exclaimed the child, in
dignantly. "I think they know as
much as the roosters?" Youth's
TROUBLES OF A PROPHET
In a certain town the local fore
caster of the weather was .so often
wrong that his predictions became a
standing joke, to his no small annoy
ance, for he was very sensitive. At
length, in despair of living down his
reputation, he asked headquarters to
transfer him to another station.
A" brief correspondence ensued.
"Why," asked headquarters, "do
you wish to be transferred?"
"Because," the forecaster prompt
ly replied, "the climate doesn't agree
WHO HE WAS
"Yes, my grandfather figured in.
one of Thackeray's novels.
"You don't say. How is that?"
"You remember that passage
where it says "Waiter, rack punch?' "
"I believe I do."
"Well, my grandfather was that
waiter." Kansas City Journal.
AH, NO WONDER
Conductor of Village Band
What's wrong, Duncan?
Duncan (cellist) The drum's been
playin' my music and I've been play
I Conductor I thought there was
something not quite right.