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Newspaper Page Text
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THE FIRST SPAT
Mrs. Newed (wishing a $75 hat)
I cook and cook and cook for you,
-j-and what do I get? Nothing!
Mr. Newed You're lucky. I al
ways get indigestion. Judge.
ONE OR T'OTHER.
"What is your son doing now?"
"Wielding a pastebrush and scis
sors." "Paperhanger or editor?" Dart-
Ltmouth Jack o' Lantern.
"Mamma, why does it rain?"
''Some say it is the angels crying
when little boys have been naughty."
"Then the thunder must be God
ENOUGH AT HOME
Flo Mr. Brown has become so ir
religious! I haven't seen him 'at
church since he married.
No Well, you see, his wife sings
in the choir.
rTETNEW DISCOVERY.' ' '7
The wife of the great botanist
beamed at him across the supper
"But these," she exclaimed, point
ing to the dish of mushrooms that
had been set before her, "are not all
for me, are they?"
"Yes, Mabel," he assured her. "I
gathered them especially for you."
In five minutes she had devoured
the lot. At breakfast next morning
he greeted her anxiously.
"Sleep all right?" he inquired.
"Not sick at all no pains?"
"Why, of course not, Charles," she
"Hurrah, then!" he exclaimed. "I
have discovered another species of
mushroom that isn't poisonous."
NOT THEIR FAULT
Uncle Josh was comfortably light
ing his pipe in the living room one
evening, when Aunt Maria glanced up
from her knitting.
"Josh," softly remarked the good
woman, "do you know that next Sun
day will be the twenty-fifth anniver
sary of our wedding?"
"Ye don't say so, Maria!" respond
ed Uncle Josh, pulling vigorously on
his corncob pipe. "What about it?"
"Nothing," answered Aunt Maria;
"only I thought maybe we ought to
kill them.two Rhode Island red chick
ens." "Say, Maria," impressively de
manded Uncle Josh, "how can you
blame them two Rhode Island red
chickens fer what happened twenty
five years ago?"
"Willie, is your father a rich
"No, Sallie; he is a professor, so I
can be educated for nothing."
"Oh, that's nothing! My father is
a minister, and I can be good for.
nothing." Harvard Lampoon,