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Newspaper Page Text
ONE MAN'S OPINIONS
BY N. D. COCHRAN '
The New Patriotism. Albert S.
Gray, M. D., had an interesting article
in the Chicago Daily News on the in
teresting and vital subject, "Patriot
ism and Constipation."
Doc Gray says that war does not
annihilate, but disease does; and that
there are forty-odd millions of cases
tif chronic constipation in this coun
try. He also defines patriotism a la
Webster as "devotion to the welfare
of one's country," and insists that the
welfare of one's country consists of
constructive rather than of destruc
The learned medic then goes on to
say that "millions are needed here at
home for an educational campaign to
teach the 40,000,000 sufferers that
constipation can be cured, but not by
And he thinks true patriotism
"would consist in the diffusion of the
knowledge necessary to raise every
individual above the danger of be
coming a victim of misinformed and
dogmatic authority," and, I might
I'm with the Doc on that. It's about
time for a new definition of patriot
ism anyhow. Too many Europeans
have come to believe that patriotism
means to fight, bleed and die for one's
country. I'm for the new patriotism
that doesn't mean death on the bat
tlefield, but rather means devotion to
the welfare of one's country by edu
cating the bowels and conserving
human health by scientific war on
constipation and all the human ills
that follow in its awful wake.
If Vic Lawson will only make his
Chicago Daily News the official organ
of Doc Gray's new patriotism, by
golly Til trail along with The Day
Book and help in the good fight At
last I see a chance for me to be a
patriot without risking my life.
Crime and Want. A honest man
may walk the streets day after day,
looking for a job. He may freeze to
death for want of shelter or starve to
death for want of iood.
But the moment he commits a
crime he is arrested, housed, fed and
kept warm. He gets plenty to eat
and a place to sleep such as it is
where he won't freeze to death.
Society does that you and I and
the rest of us. But we don't do it
until the jobless, penniless brother
commits a crime. So long as he re
mains honest we don't bother about
him, but let him shift for himself.
He may be honest. He may wanfrto
remain honest. He may stand much
suffering before finally he will resort
to crime to get food and lodging.
"Why do we put a premium on,
If we must under certain conditions
provide for the penniless and jobless,
why not do it in time to make it pos
sible for.them to remain honest? Why
wait until they commit a crime
Why is it that we have "crime"
waves in winter instead of in sum
mer? Isn't it because crime is more
necessary as a means of self-preservation
in winter than in summer?
The law gives man a right to kill
another man in defense of his own
life. What kick have we coming then
if a jobless, penniless man steals to
save his life?
Would YOU steal if all other efforts
had failed, and your wife and chil
dren or you yourself, were in dire
danger of starvation or freezing to
Isn't the unemployment problem
the problem of the employed as well
as the problem of -the unemployed?
Why is it we fight so hard, to pun
ish crime and so feebly to prevent it
by making it unnecessary?
Patriotism. Disease is no respect
er of persons. Even a king has died
of smallpox. Likewise a peasant
Cancer, syphilis and tuberculosis
have gathered in their victims both
from the rich. and. the poor, the rul-
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