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pssKjsyPSfPTlsBBKfwS I THE MAJOR WAS A CAME SPORT YOU COULDN'T BLAME HIM If you were a dignified morals in spector for a great city like Chicago, and if a cabaret girl -before a crowd of six hundred tripped up to you, slapped you gentlj on the cheek, pulled your mustache and sat on your lap what would you do? You would probably do just what Major Punkhouser. chief morals in spector, did last night at the First Regiment armory nothing. At the annual banquet before al most the whole regiment a cabaret gjrl toyed with the. major's mustache. Tb the great delight of the guests, she jumped -upon the lap of the city's "dignity" and put both arms around his neck. The major, coughed, smoked hard and turned very red, but played the part of a good sport until the girl wanted him to dance with her. Then he refused. Piqued by this, the en tertained hopped over to old Col. Mil ton J. Foreman and kissed him on the bald head. Charles L. Dering, president of the Ass'n of Commerce, whose reputa tion was also endangered by the ca resses of the girl, told the, boys of the regiment that the Ass'n of Com merce was with them in spirit, but they would have to go somewhere else for the money to take their pro posed trip to the Panama exposition. Big Business always liked the mili tia in time of union labor trouble. They come in handy in smashing the strikes. Alexander Revell, the big mer chant, told how, when he was a strike breaking militiaman, he nearly shot a striker, but didn't. TELEGRAPH BRIEFS Washington. By a vote of 227 to 96 house adopted conference report on Burnett immigration bill. Will be sent immediately to white house. New York. Mrs. Julian Heath, president of National Housewives' league, urged President Wilson, to take immediate steps to prevent fur ther advance in flour. -o & J-3JOSH ry says "Since Silo Siding went 'dry' there has been a boom in home cookin'.' Formerly free lunch tasted good enough, but now th' men are par ticular." ' r AN QUERY! By "Jim Manee On Madison near Franklin st. Four manhole covers blew. That's hear tKe Hearst, "chop suey-' plant" i That's news to "me and you" I'll tell you why at least, I'll try. Now gases were to blame; So did the gaaes-'or hot air NFrom Wilyum's building "came"? P. S. No, puzzle! that's not a jig-saw CHICAGO GRAIN. Wheat, corn and oats up. Provisions firm. o o NEW YORK STOCKS. Market dull. Price changes slight. WEATHERFORECAST Fair tonight and Saturday, prob ably becoming unsettled by Satur day night; moderate temperature; lowest tonight probably above the freezing paint; fresh east to south east winds. Temperature Thursday: Highest,. 44; lowest, 29. Entered as second-class matter April 21,1914,at the postoffice at Chicago, III., under the Act of March 3, 1879. By Mailj Except in Chicago, $3 a Year mmmtj&iiim