Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
POINT. IP Vi JDolIf
T&F?Tk W A tllW ? VMin J
Pees. yow ars cn- y
titub to rr.
' IMPOSSIBLE TO COMPLY .
At the annual dinner the commit
tee had a table set apart for their -use
at one end of the room. When the
signal was given to commence, the
carver, before whom was a large tur
key, asked the waiter to inquire of
each guest what portion he would
like before he started carving.
Each one professed a desire to have
a leg, and on this being told the carv
er he was somewhat confused, but,
rising, he exclaimed:
"Gentlemen, I should like to oblige
you all, but this is a turkey I'm carv
ing, not a blessed spider."
Mrs. Scrap Statistics show that
married men live longer than single
Scrapp Yes, and it serves them
right Boston Transcript.
Bix By the way, who is, or rather
was, the god of war?
Dix I've forgotten the duffer's
name, but I think it was Ananias.
n. y. little gorgie didnt make such
a big hit with his maws cuzzen in law
as he expected
but he-was only doing it for her
own good he thot and for the church
too at that
next time he will look out for no 1
and let his maws cuzzen take care of
this is what happened to gorgie
gorgie hikes off to church with
his maw evry sundy and he never
trys to hold out his nikle from the
but last sundy his maws cuzzen
went along and when the kollekshun
plate went around she never batted
' little gorgie got skared
where is your munny?
I forgot it, the cuzzen in law re
plyd the plate was only 2 pews away
gorgies brane worked fast
here, take my nikle, that will pay
for you and i will crawl under the
my goodness you ought to seen his
maw look mad when deekon jones hit
there pew just as gorgies hoofs dis
apeered under the seet
i bet gorgie got hisn when he got
"Now, my friends," said the candi
date, making another effort to arouse
enthusiasm in his hearers, "what do
we need in order to carry this con
stituency by the biggest majority in
The response was immediate and
"Another candidate!" yelled tho
audience as one man.
j&l3J&&J!m&&1&4&rM- -- .Jir.k-,4 . tJL. .-.