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Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
Reporter I've a good piece of
news here this morning. I found a
person 'who has been confined to one
room bis entire life.
Editor Good! Send him up. Who
id it? -
Reporter Why, a three-day-old.
baby down at our house.
"The account of this battle has a
"What do you mean?"
"It says the wen-seasoned troops
were mustered out and then peppered!
with shot Baltimore American.
TFT FOR TAT
Jtoctor How much are you going
to charge me for winning that law
Lawyer How much Ire you going
to charge me for removing my ap
I"" HIS VARIETY
"What kind of snake was it that
turned and bit you so quickly?"
"I don't know, but I think it must
have been one of those automatic
""" ' A PRIZE RELIC
A prof esaor of Illinois University,
who is very popular among the stu
dents, was entertaining' a group of
them at his residence one night. Tak
ing down a magnificent sword that
hung over the fireplace, he brandish
ed it about, exclaiming:
"Never will I forget the day I drew
this blade for the first time."
"Where did you draw it, sir?" an
awestruck freshman asked.
"At a raffle," said Uie professor-
o o !
JUMPED AT CONCLUSIONS
Beetles Heavens, man! That
wasnt a collector you threw out then
he was a customer!
Waller It was the second time I
saw him here. A customer never
comes here more than once.
A GIFTED WOMAN
'Ts your wife so very economical?''
"Oh, yes, very. Why, my wife can
take an old worn-out hat, spend $15
on it and make it look almost as good
as new." Puck.
A FELLER THINKS
rt IS MARRYING-R
"PEACH" AN' FINOS
OUT IN AFTER
YEARS DAT HE G0T1
A LEMON J