Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
I f b J ? r
ewe M6 BCfrM TO
ftfcfeY ACRO&S, oscarA
A Because i uiotLONT
As a magnificent vessel was steam
ing into Southampton harbor, a
grimy coal-lighter floated immediate
ly in front of it An officer on board
the vessel, observing this, shouted:
"Clear out of the way with that
The lighterman, shouted in reply:
"Are ye the captain of that ves
sel?" "No," answered the officer.
"Then spake to yer aiguals," said
Pat "I'm tiie captain of this."
I FOUNDING A PROSPECT
"I've just heard of a case, where a
mnn married a girl on his deathbed,
so that she could have his millions
when he was gone. Could you love
a girl like that?"
"That's just the kind of a girl I
could love. What's her address "
! MADE BILL ILL
First Foy Why are you sad, Bill?
Second BOy Oh, I'm troubled with
First Boy How can that be?
Second Boy I got licked at school
!caus.e I Qftujda'i gnell it .
TRAJE ECONOMY "it
Not long ago a locomotive fireman"
was up for examination for promo
tion to the post of engineer. He
passed with flying colors as to rules
and machinery, but all during the ex
amination the superintendent kept
harping on the saving of oil and coaL
Having finished the technical part of
the examination, the superintendent
bethought himself to see what the
fireman might do in an unexpected
emergency, so he asked him:
"Supposing you are the engineer
of a freight train on a single track
and you are in a head-on collision
with a passenger train, and you know
that you cannot stop your train and
that the collision cannot be averted
what would you do?"
Still tense on the matter of fuel and
oil economy, the fireman answered.
"Why, I'd grab the oil can in one
hand and a lump of coal hvthe other
Lily What a handsome coachman
Daisy Yes; but you ought to see
my husband's manicure! Judge.
DID CHR EVER NOTICE
DAT GOOD MUSICIANS
MUSIC WHILE BRD
ONES MURDER IT ?
j j nvtA'lv
-. e ft. wajwwv' .