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Newspaper Page Text
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1 I II 1 1 1 III -
A LUMP SUM
At a dinner table the other day
some one quoted that delightful
story of the usher who, reproved for
announcing a family ox, say, four
teen with all their Christian names
separately and at length while a
string of people waited impatiently,
grouped a Mr., Mrs. and Miss Penny
into a laconic "Three Pence."
This led to the recital of another
somewhat similar situation. Tha
butler announced: "Mr, Tootle.'
Then suddenly perceiving Mrs. Too
tle, who had stepped aside for a mo
ment, he further announced; "And
Mrs, Tootle, too."
. 'i ""i, i
wr. b -2s
, HER DESTINY
' A lady of great beauty and at
tractiveness, who was an ardent ad
mirer of Ireland, once crowned her
praise of it at a party by saying;
"I think I was meant for an Irish
"Madam," rejoined a witty son of
Erin, "thousands would back me in
saying that you were meant for an
' AN ADAPTION
"There is a tide in the affairs of
men," said the man who habitually
quotes Shakespeare, "which, taken
at the flood, leads on to fortune."
"Yes," replied the man who had
married an heiress, "I remember the
tide that led to my fortune well."
"What tide was that?"
"It was an eventide and we were
sitting in the garden."
o o t
f OUT OF DANGER
Mr. Bacon When all the fools are
dead I don't think that I shall want
to be alive.
Mrs. Bacon Don't worry; you
west be, i
PART OF HER WARDROBE
little Laura -Are you going to,
wear your religion today, grandma?
Grandma What do you mean,
Little Laura Papa says you use it
as a cloak.
- o o
"Yes, sir, that boy of mine is a pia
no player. Why, he can play with,
"How oH is he?" '
"Huh!" I've got a boy "home who
can play with his toes and he-4s onlj
one year oH."
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