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Newspaper Page Text
I. FROM VAUDEVILLE
(John and Mae Burke)
"Are you a soldier?"
"You bet I'm a soldier."
"What kind of a soldier are you?"
"I'm a boy slouch. But you say
you are a soldier, too."
"Yes, there are 5,000 women in my
Jfe "Five thousand women. I want to
jgjoin. I'm a home guard."
"What are the duties of a home
gt "Why.I stay home and take care
fjof the regular soldiers' wives."
f "Were you ever in a regular bat
ftle?" if "I lived with my mother-in-law
f J "That wasn't a battle."
r "No, that was a riot."
"Are you brave?"
! "I should say so. I hadn't been in
jthe army two weeks before I saved
I the entire regiment."
I "You did! How?"
I "I shot the cook."
Phvsician This man's condition is-
not due to drink. He's been drugged.
r- rouceman turning paie ana
i. Rnpnlrinc timirilvl T'tn nfrnirl vft'rft
V, -i"" -0 rf - J
ngnt, sir, l drugged mm au tne way
a matter of a hundred yards or more.
FUsNkUN SAY ONETb-CAY
ALLEE SAMEE TWO TO
NO WMO WEE To MOLL A.
AMD TODAY ALLE5 SAMEE
n. y. there are sum peepul who
can prove your rite when your rong
and rong when your rite and it dont
matter much eether way to them they
are that handy with prooving argu
ments & littel susie murphy is inklined to
be that way & she gets buy with it too
when she was at Sunday Skool last
Sundy the teecher says animals cant
go to heven like children and old folks
because they are animals
but little susie raises her hand and
chirps up, please teecher i think our
cat tabby will go to heven when she
o no, says the teecher miss hen
dticks by name, what makes you
well, replys littel susie, the bibel
says the promised land is flowing
with milk and honey, and if there
aint no kittens there what will be
come of the milk thats left over from
supper every day
the teecher dident know.
& i gess they must have bees too
or else where do they get there honey
A wealthy western farmer wrote on
a postcard to an old lady friend in
Kansas: "Ten days here in Monte
Carlo have lost 12 pounds and a
"Great Scott!" exclaimed the old
lady, "haven't they got any health
laws in that country?"
Newlywed Husband (at dinner)
This lettuce is something fierce. Did
you wash it?
Mrs. Newlywed Of course I didj
And I used .perfumed soap,-too!
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