Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
The other day I saw a little boy
weeping piteously and he told me
he had had two quarters in his hand
and a great big fellow had come
along and grabbed one of them. Nat
urally, being tender hearted, I sympa
thized with him and asked him what
'he did. He told me he cried out in a
feeble vojce for help. I said to him:
"Can't you shout any louder than
that?" He said: "No, sir; I have the
asthma, I can't yell out loud." So I
took his other quarter.
I was meditating what to do with
all this money when a thief grabbed
it and ran. I chased him, yelling:
"Stop, thief." A policeman grabbed
-me and demanded to know what I
was making all that noise about I
told him I was pursuing a thief and
he said: "Well, stop right where you
are; there'll be another one along in
a minute or two."
- I had a piece of hard luck just re
cently. It seems that some fortune'
'teller told Rockefeller that if he
"would wear a happy man's shirt for
one day his sickness would be cured.
I was sitting in the park when a man
, rushed up and seeing I was a happy
"man he said: "I'll give you $100,000
if you will loan me a shirt" And that
.was where my hard luck came in I
Edidn't have any shirt.
Teacher (instructing in architec
ture) Now, can you tell me what a
Pupil It's a nanny goat, sir.
CHWA BOY SY MEUCAtf
MAN EJrtE CLOLP
A long-haired chap who walked
into the general store at Arvada ask
ed, "Do you sell stale eggs "
"No," said the grocer, with a
smile; "but I've got some."
"Well, give me all you've got," said
The grocer, as he bundled up the
eees. laughed and said. "I tmess
you're going to see Hamlet tonight at
the Opera House."
"No," said the stranger grimly.
"I'm going to play Hamlet tonight at
the Opera House." Field and Farm
Justice of the Peace I'll have to
fine ye a dollar, Jeff.
Jeff HI hev to borry it of ye, jedge.
Justice of Peace Great snakes! It
was only ter git a dollar that I was
fining ye, anyway. Git out! Ye ain't
guilty, anyway! Philadelphia Bulletin.
Teacher Now Johnny, on your
right is the east on your left is the
west and in front is the north. Now,
what is behind you?
Johnny I've got a patch there,
teacher! I told mother you'd be sure
to see it!