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Newspaper Page Text
. ' FROM VAUDEVILLE
, (Wilson Brothers.)
"Say, I ain't got no time to stand
; here and. talk; yid you."
"Verelare you going?"
, "I vanto meet one of iny aunties."
"Vich auntie , do you want to
"SayT'did you see my photograph
all der papers?
VI nefer read the- patent medicine
"I vasn't a disease I vas a vitness
in a divorce case."
"Votis dot, a vitness?"
- "A vitness is a fellow vot don't re
member. My vife's sister sued for an
apartness" olTa.ccpunt of impossibility
; of temper and her husband sued on
' account of gruelty."
"You mean cruelty."
"No, I mean gruelty. All she vould
. gif him- to eat vos grueL"
"In der restaurant today, chust
after you finished eating, der vaiter
1 "I don't know vy he should I
J didn't tip him."
. o o
The man who had just returned
fromEurope was reciting his experi
ences. "It certainly takes all .the starch
out of a fellow when he gets seasick,"
Ihad "an offer" once, my lad,
, Sighed old maid. Auntie Blumber.
A handsome man phoned it to me,
r-Who had gotten the wrong number.
, The young woman was paying her
first visit to the hair department of a
Chicago department store. She
edged forward to the counter, her
"I er-er-er want some false hairi"
"Very well, Madam," responded the
tactful salesgirl, "what shade does
your friend desire?"
DE WOLF HOPPER
Maybeso De Wolf Hopper gleatest
He beat Lillian Lussell by one mal
liage. When him two, day old De Wolfs
mother come in loom and find De
Wolf tlying to getee wifee.
De Wolf, him come across regular
, De Wolf jecite"CTasey AtabaL"
Maybeso, if De Wolf sing that Jap
sijng "Mikado," much longer he be
come "yellow peril."
CONSULTINQ AN EXPERT
Mr. Manhattan, who belongs to
L several clubs, walked into the po
"I hear," said he to the sergeant at
the desk, "that you have caught the
burglar who broke into my home a
few nights ago."
"Yes," said the sergeant, "do you
want tO'See him?"
"Well, I'd like to ask him how he
got in without waking my wife. I've
been trying to do that for the last 20
years." Houston Post
Visitor Can I see that motorist
who was brought in here an hour
Nurse He hasn't come to his
Visitor Oh, that's all right I only
want to sell him another car.