OCR Interpretation


The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, July 24, 1915, NOON EDITION, Image 17

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1915-07-24/ed-1/seq-17/

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FROM VAUDEVILLE i"
(Emest Moore.)
Tve been all over town trying to
get my wife a job. Pro never seen
so many married women out of work.
If things don't improve soon 111 have
to take a job myself. My regular oc
cupation is milking sea cows, but just
now I'm working in a domino factory.
Yes, I put on the spots. But today
they're making double blanks, so I,
got a day off.
Before the boss would' engage me
he asked me how long I had been in
my last place. I said, "Seven years."
He said, "What were you doing?" I
said, "Seven years."
There was one man in jail, a bar
ber, waiting to be hanged. On the
night before his execution the war
den said to him: "Have you any re
quest to make before you die?"
"Yes," said the barber, "I wish to
have a chance to shave the district
attorney."
I never would have got into trouble
if I hada't married a new woman
then the old one showed up. Life Ms
full of trials and occasional convict
tions.
The other day I went into a drug
store and that drug clerk was the,
sassiest fellow I ever met One lady
said to him: "My hair is falling out
Can you recommend anything to
keep it in?" He said, "Here's a nice
cardboard box."
WHAT HE WAITED FOR
Detective (2 a. m.)- Hey, yous!
Wotcher hanging around this 'ere
front door fer?
Supposed Burglar I'nr waiting for
th' lady inside to git asleep. We're
married.
HE WAS ONE
"Remember this, young man," he
said, "only lunatics and rattle-brained
idiots are certain of anything nowadays."
"Are you quite sure or mat?" l
"Absolutely certain.' Tog Notch. I
SCOTCH THRIFT
An old Scotch farmer was contin
ually hounded by a persevering Insure
ance agent to take out some tire in
surance. Sandy, however, managed to stall
hlra off for weeks, saying: "Na, na,
my noose is na likely to catch afire."
One day his house caught fire and,
Sandy ran into the street vainly calif
tag for the insurance agent After a
while he shouted:
"Tha's just it Ya canna ever find
a body when ee want him!"
o o
BEAUTIFUL DEFENDANT
a "I want you to make the outfit for
nay trial."
"Let me see," mused the experi-i
encd modiste. "You'll want a direct
testimony suit, a cross-examination
gown and something dainty and
clinging to faint In."
HISTA,BcNES,,WWAREme '
FRENCU SOLDIERS UKE"HcfI
W6 SALESMEN?
Wf, BECAUSE THEY HAVE
CUT" TOE FRANKFDQTERS.'
tmmmimmmmmmmm

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