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Newspaper Page Text
y7 FROM VAUDEVILLE
Mrs. O'Brien, a friend of Kerrigan,
cries more at a wedding than she
does at a funeral. "Weddings are
more uncertain," she says.
Kerrigan was bossing a job in the
city and was hurrying things along
a little to rapidly. "Come, Kerrigan,"
cried the superintendent "Don't
hurry so fast Rome wasn't built in
"Well, I -wasn't bossing that job,"
Kerrigan answered proudly.
The big boss sent Kerrigan out to
see if any liquor was sold on Sunday,
and when he came back Friday he
said there was.
Kerrigan went up to call on the
O'Briens one night
The O'Briens live in the rear, while
the Kerrigans live in front
"They tell me," says Kerrigan,
"tha the Germans dragged the
czar's secretary through the streets."
"Faith!" exclaimed Mrs. O'Brien,
"that's what comes of livin in the
back. You miss everything."
O'Brien was crossing the street one
day. Beside him was a dog. An auto
mobile hit the dog and killed it The
owner of the automobile got out and
took O'Brien into a bar and bought
him 12 drinks.
"I'm awfully sorry I killed that lit
tle dog," he said, then ordered up an- J
other round. After several more
rounds he said: "I certainly am sorry
1 hit that dog."
"So, am I," said O'Brien, "I won
der who owned him."
"Conductor, can you tell me how
that brakeman lost his finger?" asked
the inquisitive woman. "He seems
to be a very nice man. It is a pity he
should be crippled."
"That's just it, mum. He is a good
fellow. He is so obliging that he wore
his finger off pointing out the scenery
along the line." Ladies' Home Journal.
A love-sick old lawyer named Essen
Whose fair client kept him guessing
won ner a divorce
-. Then she ditched him, of course,
But it taught the poor boob a lesson.
A certain Irish officer 'was sitting
up in his bed in a French hospital
recently. According to Arnold Ben
net, the famous author this Irishman
was a brave man, but he was known
to highly color any subject on which
he might be talking.
"After the charge," he went on to
his skeptical listeners, "I was lifted
on a stretcher and placed on an am
"Ambulance you mean," mildly
corrected a listener.
"No," roaded the Irishman, "am
munition wagon. I was so full of hul
lets they decided the place for me
was in the ammunition wagon!"
o o -
The Sayville wireless station seems
to have a lot to say these days.,
i ?v. .