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Newspaper Page Text
David Belasco tells of a quarrel be
tween two theatrical men in a west
ern town some years ago. The trav
eling agent started out of the door
after the last night when the local
house manager accosted him.
"Your show," said the local man,
"was positively the rottenest we have
ever had here!"
"Strange you think so," replied the
agent, "we had a remarkably long
run in New York."
"I'm sorry," came back the local
"Why, sorry?" asked the other.
"Sorry the audience abandoned
GOOD REASON FOR IT
A certain employer once offered a
prize to the driver who could show
the best-groomed horse, the brightest
tackle, the cleanest stable, and so
One of the men, Timothy by name,
seemed certain of this prize, for, after
a careful scrutiny, the judge was
about to declare him the winner when
his eye fell on a cobweb In a dim
corner of the mare's stable.
Timothy saw the judge's fade
change and saw the cause of the
change, and spoke up briskly:
"I keep that web there, -sir, to
catch the fiies. The way they tor
ment the mare is something terrible."
o o -
A group of workmen were talking
pontics, wnen one or tne disputants
turned to a friend who "had remained
silent during the argument
" 'Ere, BQl," he said, "wot's your
"I ain't a-goin' to say," said Bill
doggedly. "Me and Hennery Green
thrashed it out once before."
"What did you arrive at?" asked
"Well," said Bill, "Hennery. e ar
rived at the 'orspital an' I arrived at
the police station.
A man with a gnat in his ear
Tried to drown it by pouring in beerj.
But the gnat became stewed
Like a regular dude,
And he kicked the bloke's brains out
The new vicar was making pas
toral calls in his parish, and stopped
to converse with a small boy at the
"And where does your father go out
Sundays, my little man?"
"Well, on fine Sundays he goes
golfing, and on wet Sundays he turns
us all out to church so he can have a
bit of peace in the house."
HIS MILD REQUEST
"My dear," he began mildly.
"Well?" she snapped.
"I don't mind your borrowing my
Panama hat But when you return
it please remove the veil and the hat
Ladies' Home pins. I don't care to wear such equips ,
j xnent-downtown again. ' j