Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
JJWP9P9P999P" M l,M n9 f " V WJ-
TODAY'S BELLRINGER '7
Champ Clark, speaker of the house
of representatives, tells this story:
Two Irishmen were walking along the
streets of Boston one day. Suddenly
they noticed a big sign in a grocery
window on which appeared the words
in red paint "BUTTER!!! BUT
'Tat," asked Mike, "wof s th' mean
in' of them big strokes after each
"Shure," says Pat, "they're mint
fer shillelaghs to show thot its Irish
FUNNY SLANTS ON THE BIG WAR
(From the Liverpool, Eng., Echo.)
MARRIAGES Sept 4 quietly, ow
ing1 to the "war at the parish "church,
A report made by a workman to
the British foreign office regarding a
German aerial bombardment con
tains this paragraph:
"Two booms fell close to my house.
One exploded in a field; the other -was
one of them insanitary booms and
didn't do much harm."
Dugald was HI, and his friend Don
ald took a bottle of whisky to him.
Donald gave the invalid one glass and
"Ye'll get anither in the mornin'."
About five minutes elapsed, and
then Dugald suddenly exclaimed:
"Ye'd better let me hae the ither
noo, Donald; we hear o' sae many
sudden deaths nooadajrs.""
r A young man said to his employer:
' "Sir, Isn't $10 a week rather low for
"Low for it?" the old man queried.
"Why I started on that very same job
back in 1879 at $5 a week, and today
I own the business."
"Ah, yes," said the young man,
"but your employer didn't use cash
registers. You-do Top-Notch.
A barber who wanted a tip
Cut a customer once on the lip,
But he jumped through the door
Y When the man, -with a roar,
Very earnestly reached for his hip
'Tve been taking a moving picture
of a farm hand," said the photogra
pher. "Can you really take a movie of a
thing that moves as slowly as that?"
asked the summer boarder.
ONE THING WORSE
Said the Man "What can be
"worse than taking a kiss without ask
ing for it?"
Replied the Maid "I don't know
junless it is asking for a kiss and not
CLASS IN CURRENT EVENTS "
Teacher What lessons do . we
learn from the attack on the Dar
danelles? Prize Scholar That a strait beats
three kings, Dad says. Judge