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JJWP9P9P999P" M l,M n9 f " V WJ- TODAY'S BELLRINGER '7 Champ Clark, speaker of the house of representatives, tells this story: Two Irishmen were walking along the streets of Boston one day. Suddenly they noticed a big sign in a grocery window on which appeared the words in red paint "BUTTER!!! BUT TER!! BUTTER!!" 'Tat," asked Mike, "wof s th' mean in' of them big strokes after each wurred?" "Shure," says Pat, "they're mint fer shillelaghs to show thot its Irish butter!" o o FUNNY SLANTS ON THE BIG WAR (From the Liverpool, Eng., Echo.) MARRIAGES Sept 4 quietly, ow ing1 to the "war at the parish "church, St Asaph. A report made by a workman to the British foreign office regarding a German aerial bombardment con tains this paragraph: "Two booms fell close to my house. One exploded in a field; the other -was one of them insanitary booms and didn't do much harm." LOONY, LIMERICKS FOREHANDED Dugald was HI, and his friend Don ald took a bottle of whisky to him. Donald gave the invalid one glass and said: "Ye'll get anither in the mornin'." About five minutes elapsed, and then Dugald suddenly exclaimed: "Ye'd better let me hae the ither noo, Donald; we hear o' sae many sudden deaths nooadajrs."" ALTERED CIRCUMSTANCES r A young man said to his employer: ' "Sir, Isn't $10 a week rather low for this job?" "Low for it?" the old man queried. "Why I started on that very same job back in 1879 at $5 a week, and today I own the business." "Ah, yes," said the young man, "but your employer didn't use cash registers. You-do Top-Notch. A barber who wanted a tip Cut a customer once on the lip, But he jumped through the door Y When the man, -with a roar, Very earnestly reached for his hip IMPOSSIBLE 'Tve been taking a moving picture of a farm hand," said the photogra pher. "Can you really take a movie of a thing that moves as slowly as that?" asked the summer boarder. o o ONE THING WORSE Said the Man "What can be "worse than taking a kiss without ask ing for it?" Replied the Maid "I don't know junless it is asking for a kiss and not taking it" o o CLASS IN CURRENT EVENTS " Teacher What lessons do . we learn from the attack on the Dar danelles? Prize Scholar That a strait beats three kings, Dad says. Judge g,MmMMmmmmAiaMilMMi