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Newspaper Page Text
'iJUUrW? .... .!IU'IU.TL! SiWPrNS11"" r FROM VAUDEVILLE (Cooper and Henderson.) . "I was at a banquet last night, a" banquet" "Did you get much to eat?" "Sure. They had ham, roast pork and cabbage and pigs' knuckles. I never ate so much bread in all my ," life. After the banquet they threw flowers at me. "' "That must have been fine." i "Yes, but they forgot to take them out of the pots." A "Do you know how much $5,000 i is?" "Sure." v "I can show you how you can earn 9 $5,000.' 'Whom do you want killed?" "What is your'name?" "Isaac Fltzpatrick Cohen." "What's the Fitzpatrick for?" "Protection." o o - JUST A ROOKIE Jack Dunn, manager of the Rich mond team, was trying out a bunch . of rookies in the ball park last spring, gwhen a newcomer blew In who said' he was an outfielder. He was a tall and robust youth, very green, but with plenty of confidence in himself, J and he praised his own ability so if highly that finally Dunn who needed itVa-good outfielder, said: tj A "All right, sonny. Trot out in the imeft field and I'll bat you out some 1J. fungoes. til Instead of takine his nosition. tho. jujxecrult stood still and gazed about JWjUA&U A1X C WUtA2U DUlb Ul WOT. 1 UC11 IT Xl- t'l J .- 1 J BcmLuuiug ma iieau, u uaiieu confidentially: "Say Mr. Dunn, where is left field on these grounds?" Everybody's. o o AN INNOVATION Nora (seltzer bottle in hand) That's a good idea,ma'am,havin'soda land water in them bottles with the squirts. I've done the floor in no time, and there's three bottles left out of the dozen yet Philadelphia Eve ning Ledger. " LOONY LIMERICKS A simpleton started to school With a book called "The Science o Pool:" The professor said, "Kid, Get your coat and your lid. We have no classes here for a fool!" COMPELLING Vicar's Daughter I'm .sorry to hear you were at the" Methodist tea meeting, Miss Jones. I can not think what arguments have caused you to change your creed. ' Miss Jones Well, miss", first it was their sultany cake, but, It was their 'am sangwidges as converted me, miss! Tit-Bits. THE ONLY KIND On the train out Medford way Subbubs got into conversation with a strangerwho remarked: . "I see you are putting up a good man ynew buildings." "Yes," answered Subbubs, "newl buildings are the only kind we pufri up." - J 1m