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A Broad street business man was
joking a friend about his residence in
a certain dreary district of Jersey.
"Why do you live there, anyhow?"
"So as to save money."
"Is food any cheaper?"
"On the contrary, it is slightly
"How do you save, then?"
"No opera, $200 a year; no cafe
meals, $500 a year; no theaters, $400
a year; no taxinah fares, $50 a year;
no distractions of any kind, $75 a
"See here, old top," expostulated
the Broad street man. "couldn't you
save money if you died?'
He is a passenger conductor on the
C. H. & D. railroad and has to keep
a neat appearance. In order to keep
his shoes clean he bought a pair of
One night he attempted to leap
across a gutter. ' He landed in some
muck and felt one of his rubbers
slip off. It made him mad and when
he reached the other side of the
street he reached down, jerked off
the other rubber and threw it "about
But when he sat down to take off
his shoes at home the rubber he
thought.he had lost hadn't been Jost
at all and well, what would you
A tradesman in a certain' town put
a box outside his shop one day, label
ed "For the Blind." Most of his cus
tomers dropped In pennies, and com
plimented him on his charity. A few
weeks afterward the box disappeared.
"Hello! What's happened to your
box for the blind?" he was asked.
"Oh, I got enough money," he re
plied. "And," pointing upward to the
new canvas blind that sheltered his
shop window, "there's the blind. Not
bad, is it?"
Dennis enlisted in the British army
and went to France. He came back
wounded to London. He was full of
marvelous tales of the trenches.
"Finally," said Dennis, "in relating
a yarn, "wan o' thim Jack Johnsons
tore off the arm of Jimmy Flynn! Did
this frighten Jimmy? Divil a bit He
immediately dashed forward an'
caught foive o thim Jarmins by tho
neck and crashed their heads togeth
er!" "How could he do that?" was ask
ed, "having only one arm?"
"True enough," said Dennis, "but
Flynn forgot all about that whin hig
fightin' blood was up!"
WENT 'EM ONE BETTER .
"How did your ticket make out in
"Crooked methods beat us. We
provided to pay $2 for votes and the
opposition came along and offered.
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