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Newspaper Page Text
giJr Ifc'bftifafTHi.irt ift-iAiinVti! I1W fc i H
ANSWERING AN ALARM
The swain had proposed for the
hand of the village beauty and had
He had bought the engagement
ring and was hurrying to the home of
his adored one. A friend stopped him
to make inquiry concerning his haste.
"Halloa, there, Bob! Is there a
"Yes," replied Bob, with what
' breath he had left, "my heart's on
fire, and I'm going now to ring the
' THOUGHTFUL MAN
"Yes, Bill," went on the man from
Podunk, "I did rather well out of that
railroad accident One thousand for
myself and two thousand for the
"Was she hurt, too?" asked the
"Well, she wouldn't have been, Bill,
if I hadn't the presence of mind to
give her a good swat over the head
when the car jumped the track!"
; o o
Billy Sunday tells a story of a
pious woman who confessed to her
pastor that she had yielded to vanity,
looked in the glass and thought her
"Go in peace," said the pastor, "for
to make a mistake is no sin!"
WHY THEY GAVE HIM UP
"Do you see that strong, healthy
looking man over there?"
"I was just admiring his physique."
"The doctors gave him up years
"You surprise me."
"Yes.- They found they couldn't
get anything out of him."
SURE THEY HAVE
Yesterday I was almost run down
by a car. I turned angrily to
the "owner when I had recovered my
balance. "Have pedestrians no
rights at all?" I exclaimed. "Sure,"
he replied, "funeral rights!"
MANY TIMES BEFORE?
She I noticed at the wedding to
day you held 'aloof from the bride.
Have you kissed her?
He Not lately.
IN THE OBSERVATORY
Young Woman Visitor (After five
minutes of staring through giant
lens) Oh, I see the moon! And the
Professor Now, Miss, if you will
step aside I'll take the cap off the
lens so you can see through it
A DANGEROUS JOB
Sergeant (in trench) Now, Mal
loy, you've been asking to use the
periscope. Here it is why don't
you use it?
Malloy I was using it, sor; but
twice I almost got a bullet through it
Mistress Bridget, what do we
need for dinner?
Bridget Shure, mum, Oi tnpped
over the rug and we need a new set
of dishes. Puck.
"How do you know that Chaucer,
writer of the famous Canterbury
Tales, dictated to a stenographer?
"His spelling was so bad!"